Sticks and Stones
by WhenEver Possible
Summary: Will break my bones, but words will change the world. A member of Team 7 has had to deal with a voice in their head for their entire life, how much can words change the ninja world? An SI you haven't read before
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any of the other franchise that I may reference in this story**

AN: My first fic, I look forward to your feedback. This is an SI fic, where instead of replacing Naruto, Sasuke, becoming a sibling to an important ninja, or using a Naruto-in-Name-Only story to pretend it isn't an SI fic, I decided to see how much words could change by replacing Inner Sakura. Explanations of my my opinion of Sakura can be found on my profile. If you notice a reference to another fanfic, have an idea or reccomendation you feel would improve the story, or just think that I should go die in a fire for writing this, please feel free to leave a review.

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><p><strong>Sticks and Stones: Chapter 1<strong>

" A member of team 7 has always dealt with a voice in the back of their mind, a voice convinced that knowledge is the most dangerous power there is"

_"Have I ever given you reason to doubt me, little scholar?"_

"No, but-

_"Fine, I understand that this request is more nonsensical than my previous recommendations, so I will make you an offer: You have a week before team placements, a week for the administration to incorporate you into the system and the bureaucracy to feel important by signing papers and moveing them from one office to another. A week with no school and no training, nothing to occupy your time. In that week, you'll being with the basics, and in exchange, I will tell you your exactly who will be on your team, to prove my knowledge. If I'm correct, you will trust me to be at least somewhat knowledgeable and continue your studies, and if I'm wrong, I'll drop my requests."_

"Fine, if it'll get you to shut up about it, but how do I know you're not just guessing and hoping you'll be right?"

_"Simple, your teammates will be Uchiha and Uzumaki, little one."_

"Naruto? Now I know you're making it up. That idiot didn't even graduate, there's no way he'll be on my team. I'll take your offer, but when you're wrong, you have to give me some new ideas for chakra experimentation."

_"Terms accepted, little one." _

For as long as she could remember, Sakura had heard the Voice. It was always there, in the back of her mind, serving as a counterpoint to her thoughts, helping her work out her problems, taking amusement in her happiness, empathizing with her pain. It was her secret friend, always there: even when Ino had stopped being friends with her. She knew, intellectually, that it was odd to have a voice in her thoughts, so she kept it a secret, because Ishi was her first and greatest friend, even if they didn't agree on everything.

But she trusted Ishi, even when faced with an odd new idea. Because, while she was talented when it came to absorbing knowledge, memorizing things easily, Ishi was smart when it came to applying knowledge. Ishi's creative, sideways, insane way of looking at something had helped her rise to the position of top kunoichi, despite her weak taijutsu and lack of clan support. Ino could go jump in a lake, because Sakura was going to be the best kunoichi ever.

Everything Sakura wasn't, Ishi was. She was young, but Ishi was like a mentor, or old wise figure. Where Sakura was subdued except when angry, Ishi was enthusiastic unless she (or someone else) did something that really pissed him off. Sakura was focused, and Ishi was flighty. Sakura was cautious, Ishi was confident. Sakura was smart, and Ishi was _wise_. So when she had a problem that she couldn't solve, she tried to be like Ishi.

Most of his insane suggestion had a very good reason behind them, even if he was prone to nonsensical statements and outbursts. She just wished she knew why he wanted her to learn Fuuinjutsu.

* * *

><p>Nevermind, she understood exactly why he wanted her to learn fuuinjutsu.<p>

In short? It was perfect for her, it hinged on mentality and creativity, needing a special blend of the kind of creativity that let you cheat the universe /chakra into doing what you wanted, and the obsessive focus needed to spend hours writing out on paper _exactly_ what you meant, and hours staring at paper to find your mistakes. It was a bizarre blend of math, science, creativity, and insight that most ninja never bothered to look into beyond making the most basic storage scrolls and explosive tags, relying on rote memorization in application.

But for her, it had several great strengths:

With preparation, it was labor intensive rather than chakra intensive. Even seals that used jounin-level chakra reserves could be charged over time before being compressed to accommodate her own limited reserves.

It turned idea's into power. She only needed to design and debug a seal once, and then she could make as many of them as she wanted, given time and supplies, in essence allowing her to premake jutsu or effects for use when she needed them.

Since most ninja never bothered, the information on fuuinjutsu was readily available to anyone who wanted to "waste their time with ink and scrolls, instead of learning real jutsu" as the chuunin who manned the entrance of the public shinobi archives had said when he thought she was out of earshot. She didn't need a clan or a teacher, just imagination and drive, to learn it.

It was primarily mental, actually compressing the seal required chakra and a steady had, but designing a seal required creativity and intelligence. Meaning that Ishi could help her with her sealing, in a way he couldn't with taijutsu or ninjutsu. He could help proofread seals as she drew them, and his "insanity" helped her. He would create off the wall ideas, and the basic structures to make them work, and she would polish them, to make them work _well_.

And, most incredibly, in the right hands, it was incredibly potent. The Second and Fourth Hokage's had become legends through fuuinjutsu, turning the tides of wars and craft legendary weapons. The former had crafted the Blade of the Lightning God and developed the Flying Thunder God technique, which the latter had dissected and mastered in synergy with incredibly potent taijutsu and short range ninjutsu to basically wind the third shinobi war single wasn't sure if it could "Bind demons and shackle kami to her will" like Ishi claimed, but for now, it was almost tailor made to her strengths.

Admittedly, Fuuinjutsu seemed as though it was made to compensate for either lack of chakra or lack of control, and while it represented infinite potential in the long term, in the short term it was inflexible and un-adaptable. Given a few hours, she and Ishi could design seals to counter elemental jutsu or drain chakra, make a stockpile of tags, and counter specific techniques dozens of times using only a token amount of chakra. But in a battle, she would be limited to what she had already made.

For a kunoichi with no clan or ninja relatives, and a psuedo-genius with nothing but time to think up new designs for her to polish to perfection, it was a godsend.

In the week leading up to team placement, she had already finished up with a single use, hemi-spherical, barrier array, which would repel anything solid trying to pass through it until running out of chakra. She had mastered and modified exploding tags, making a simple flash-bang and incendiary tag as well as developing various alternate triggers beyond the simple fuse. On Ishi's recommendation, she had made the triggers "modular" so she should be able to apply them to any other seals.

Storage seals, however, was where she and Ishi had come together and made something beautiful.

Storage scrolls, it turned out, do not actually store objects "in" the scroll; they shunted them into some pocket somewhere to be untouched by air or time. Most scrolls had a mechanism that drew them back if they were damaged, so as not to lose valuable items or intel into the ether when a stray kunai cut open the seal. To an unassuming eye, it seemed like a piece of useless trivia, and a warning in some of the better textbooks to add redundancies and failure points to your array's to prevent unexpected side effects. But to Sakura, it meant that storage seals could be applied to anything, even her person, meaning that not only would she not have to carry heavy things or a pack, but she could lock them and carry weapons or supplies that couldn't be taken away. She would still carry a kunai and shuriken pouch, because a ninja without supplies in the field was just asking for scrutiny, but she decided to design a storage seal to put on her wrist or hands, letting her pull a weapon or similar item from nowhere.

Then Ishi had had an idea, put the seals on here fingers. At first, she thought that it would mean that she could carry 10 items instead of 2 in her personal pocket, but Ishi had directed her to her modular trigger designs, including one that differentiated between multiple effects depending on chakra signals and a unifier that associated signals from multiple points to a governor to generate arbitrary chakra pulses. In essence, they formed a series of switches, and after a short lesson on "binary" from Ishi, she had learned that with her thumbs acting as an activator and 8 fingers acting as "bits" (whatever those were) she could direct the release seal to pick between 256 pockets! All she had to do was remember what pocket each item was in, then channel chakra to different fingers corresponding to the correct pocket while sending chakra to her thumbs to activate the release seal and prevent her from emptying her pockets on accident. Additionally, she needed to separate her chakra into yin and yang elements and send the correct piece to the correct thumb, or it wouldn't activate, so she could still use her hands to manipulate chakra without fear of sealing or releasing something by accident.

Designing and debugging the seal had taken most of her week. Making the flash-bang seal, incendiary seal, and their lesser variants (lantern and torch) had taken most of a day, after she found textbooks that weren't useless and learned the basic syntax of 8 trigrams sealing. (In the future she would make sure to study 5 elements and Yin/Yang sealing, and something called "Uzumaki" sealing, and she could hear her friend muttering about designing a new form of syntax when they had time). And most of that time was spent walking to an empty training field once the syntax errors had been fixed to make sure there weren't any logic errors or logistical problems. Her modular trigger seals and switching seals had take a few hours, and the basic sealing scroll had taken about an hour to decode and remake.

By contrast, she and Ishi had spent a days designing the basics of the array and digging up the references she needed to put it together, a day working out the syntax errors and compressing her first test seal on a blank scroll, and the next 2 days working out the various errors and writing a stealth compression seal to hide the final result of the seal when it wasn't in use. She wasn't sure why Ishi insisted she reinvent the wheel when there was a perfectly good stealth compression seal in one of her books, but that, and the improvements they came up with took 2 days to finish.

At first, Ishi had thought that was enough, but Sakura enabled the pockets to contain multiple items, and release them one at a time, or all at once (she didn't know what FILO meant, but she'd revisit it later).

The seals were inked carefully onto her fingers and hands, making sure not to smudge anything. The writing process had take 8 hours, and she had spent another 4 checking them. she was hungry and tired, but this had the potential to be dangerous or useless, so she was going to get it right the first time. No playing it safe and partially charging the seal before compressing it, she couldn't sit around and wait for her chakra to replenish, not only would it increase the chances of her smudging the seal, she would look ridiculous walking around with the illegible script adorning her hands and wrists. Taking a deep breath, she began compiling the seal.

The ink glowed as she channeled chakra into the seals, twisting and shrinking into its compressed form, it took almost all of her chakra, greedily sucking in an order of magnitude more than any seal she had charged so far, until she started feel herself going to sleep. NO! If she lost focus now, she'd have to start all over, and she would not let the last week have been wasted on her new passion. Strengthening her resolve, she focused, pouring herself into her work. After several long seconds, the array stopped moving, then faded to black, the kanji for "release" and "Seal" on her palms, "Yin" and "Yang" on her thumbs, and the numbers one to eight on her fingers. After a moment, they black ink faded to match her pale skin, until she couldn't even see the outline.

Nervously, she took a pebble she had brought home from the training ground, placing it in her left hand, and, holding her breath, channeled some chakra to the kanji for seal, as well as her left index finger and right pinky.

The pebble disappeared.

She sighed, knowing that at least one function worked properly.

Channeling yin and yang chakra to her thumbs and normal chakra to her left index finger and right pinky, the pebble appeared in her right hand, as the black kanji for "release" became visible.

She and Ishi both yelled with joy, prompting her mother to run in and ask when she was doing. Completely forgetting her fatigue and hunger, Sakura babbled about her project and how it had worked, prompting a blank look from her mother, followed by a reminder to be at the academy on time tomorrow.

Falling back into her desk-chair, Sakura, pulled out several kunai and shuriken, and began testing her inventories functions, ensuring the ordering of the pockets, the ordering of items in the pockets, individual and mass storage and release functions all worked properly.

Each success made her giddy, though that could be the hunger, and eventually, she took out a little journal and began sealing her excess ninja supplies, textbooks, as well as a canteen, tent, and other miscellaneous items into her hands, taking meticulous notes of what went into each pocket, before sealing her pocket's inventory in pocket 255, and her sealing supplies and textbooks in pocket 0.

_"Make sure to include a towel in your inventory."_

'What? why?'

_"You should never go anywhere without your towel, you never know when you might need it. Now that you have an extra-dimensional inventory, I can't in good conscience let you walk around without one."_

'Just...fine, I'll get a towel.'

This had been a good day, she might even break her diet and pig out before going to bed, she though while absentmindedly releasing a pencil from her pocket and sealing it away again.


	2. Chapter 2: Prep for the Future

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, and if I did, Shino, Chouji, Hinata, Naruto, Sakura, and Lee would be the most prominent characters, and Kabuto would be the big bad,

**Sticks and Stones: Chapter 2**

'I give up, how did you know Naruto would pass.'

_"Psychic scar"_

'what'

_"I have a scar from a curse in the shape of an ancient rune, the scar is psychic and occasionally gives me advice."_

'Really?'

_"No"_

'So how did you know'

_"If I just give you the answer, you'll stop thinking things through yourself, little scholar."_

'Fine, I get that as top kunoichi I'd be on a team with the rookie of the year and dead last, but you somehow knew that Naruto would be a ninja even though he failed the exam. Again.'

_"Yes, yes I did"_

'Oh whatever, I'll figure it out somehow, maybe later I'll ask Naruto how he graduated'

_"A good idea, little scholar"_

'When is our sensei going to get here, anyway? We've been waiting for 15 minutes'

_"If he is late, he is late for a reason, instead of asking when he should get here, you should be occupying your time with something productive, as much as I appreciate the scintillating conversation of the hawk and little fox."_

'Like what?'

_"Did you not bring your textbooks in your pocket? You are in an academy, you may as well study."_

Sighing, Sakura unsealed some textbooks, a notebook, and pencil, drawing a raised eyebrown from Sasuke '**Squee!**' _"ugh"_ .

Opening up a book, she began working taking down notes on the 5 elements seal notation. It, like the 8 trigrams syntax, treated chakra like a collection of infinitesimal packets, with the base unit of chakra having certain properties, however, while 8 trigrams focused on chakra interactions with space, 5 elements syntax focused on tapirs, obviously. You could, in theory, make the same tags with either syntax, but the complexity required and efficiency of the array would vary depending on the syntax.

It was obvious to anyone who had ever used chakra that it was not a collection of finite, discrete packets (at least in practice), but the syntax was general enough to still be usable. It seemed to be particularly useful in regards to elemental transformation, or imbuing tags with elemental effects, it explained why her explosive tags seemed to be low yield, when the flash-bang was so effective. She had some ideas for improving them now, as well as a few other new ideas. She couldn't wait to start testing them. Wind, lightning, and fire seemed straightforward, but water and earth seemed more subtle, maybe if she- "YOU FELL FOR IT! HAHAHAHAHAH"

Her thoughts were interrupted by Naruto's antics. Glancing at the clock, she noticed that her work had absorbed her for 2 hours. Was their sensei here, finally? Had he been sidetracked by a mission or injury perhaps? Had he forgotten that he was assigned a team?

She took in his appearance, gray hair, one eye, standard uniform. He appeared complete innocuous. Clearly a ninja, but not the kind of ninja who would grab your attention, like the Hokage or Sasuke, or even Naruto. He seemed harmless, for a ninja.

_"Christ, he's good"_

'What do you mean? he doesn't look very impressive'

_"Exactly"_

Apparently annoyed by the three genin staring at him, the ninja standing in the door finally spoke up: "Hm, how can I say this?", rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "My first impression is..."

Sakura held her breath.

"I don't like you guys"

Sakura whined internally

_"Ha"_

'Oh shut up.'

* * *

><p>Later, on the roof,<p>

"Lets begin with some introductions"

"What do you want to know, sensei?" Sakura asked.

"Oh, your likes, dislikes, dreams for the future, hobbies, stuff like that."

"Hey, why don't you go first?" interrupted Naruto.

"Yeah" said Sakura, agreeing with her least favorite teammate.

"Oh, me?... My name is Hatake Kakashi, I have no desire to tell you my likes and dislikes, dreams for the future?...maybe in a few years, and I have a lot of hobbies.", prompting unimpressed looks from the trio of genin.

_"Oh he's really good"_

"Now it's your turn, blondie"

"Oh, right, My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like cup ramen, and when Iruka-sensei buys me ramen at Ichiruka's. I dislike the 3 minute wait you have with instant ramen. and my dream, is to surpass the Hokage and have everyone acknowledge me."

"I see. Next, broody."

'how dare he insult-_"shut up and listen to your teammate"_

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke, there are tons of things I dislike, and not much I do like, I don't have any hobbies, and while I don't have a dream, I do have an ambition: to kill a certain main"

Everyone else on the roof stared and gulped

"All right, pinkie, you're up"

Sakura took a breath and said, "Oh, My name is Haruno Sakura, there's a person that I like and my dream is to be strong enough to impress him, I dislike Ino, and my hobby? Well, I guess you could count fuuinjutsu, I spent most of this last week trying to learn it."

Kakashi's eye widened as the genin pronounced her interest in an esoteric shinobi skill, 'Meh, at least she can channel her "love" into something useful'

"Ok team, tomorrow we're going to do survival training"

"But sensei, we did survival training at the academy."

"pfffffffff-ahahahahaha, heh," Kakashi chuckled, "Well, tomorrow you'll be surviving me. And of the 27 graduates of this years academy exam, only 9 will pass tomorrows exam. We'll meet at training ground 7 at six a.m. tomorrow morning. Bring all your gear, don't be late, I'd suggest skipping breakfast, because you'll just throw up."

* * *

><p>At home, Sakura ate dinner, then started organizing the gear she'd be taking with her tomorrow.<p>

'Since sensei said it's a survival test, I'll bring along some extra supplies, maybe some rope and wire, my ninja gear,'

_"Wear long pants"_

'what?'

_"Wear something sensible, If you insist on a dress, at least wear long pants under them"_

'Fine. Now can you think of anything else?'

_"No, now get to your desk, I have some idea's for tags, and you and I both know we can improve your explosive tags, if your sensei isn't impressed tomorrow then you'll be back in the academy for another year."_

'Hey Ishi? What did you mean when you said sensei was really good earlier today?'

_"He's a ninja, a jonin. What's more, he's a legend and a prodigy, the son of a legend and prodigy, and the student of a different legend and prodigy. I know this, and he still manages to look innocuous and harmless, pass off his privateness as peculiarity rather than paranoia like most ninja. I know that's he's dangerous and skilled, and I still find myself writing him off as some mediocre nobody who I shouldn't waste time thinking about."_

'Really? _he's_ a legend?'

_"Yes, Hatake Kakashi, son of Hatake Sakumo, Konoha's white fang, and student of Namikaze Minato"_

'His sensei was the Fourth?'

_"Yes, you are fortunate to have him as a sensei, we'll have to make the most of this opportunity, but first, you have to pass, so get to your desk: we have arrays to design."_

In the end, Sakura was only able to make and charge 12 tags before she was exhausted, 6 high yield explosive tags and 6 lightning tags that, if placed on someone, should shock them with lightning chakra. Ishi dubbed them "Taser tags". She sealed them into her inventory and tried to get to sleep, hoping that the stockpiles of tags she had made over the last week would be enough for tomorrow. She resolved to find a way to circumvent the limitation that her limited chakra reserves imposed on her.


	3. Chapter 3: Beta Testing

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, if I did, then it would be cannon that Thousand-Years-of-Death were a secret taijutsu technique developed by the Second Hokage.

**Sticks and Stones: Chapter 3**

'He's late again'

_"If he's late,-_

'He's late for a reason, I know'

_"Good, now get out a ration bar, I know you have some, and have breakfast, offer some to your teammates too"_

'But sensei said-'_"that the test would be difficult, you need to be in top shape, little scholar, as will the hawk and little fox."_

'Fine, and I guess I can study while I wait, I have to conserve chakra, so no making seals, but I can still design some for later'

"Hey Sasuke, Naruto, want something to eat while we wait for sensei?" Sakura called out to her teammates as she pulled out some ration bars from a pouch on her belt, using it to mask her inventory.

*gurgle* "Hn" Said Sasuke, as he took a ration bar.

"Sure, Sakura-chan" said Naruto, doing the same.

As the sat down to eat, Sakura reached into her pack, which was there mostly for appearance purposes (She loved her inventory, sooo much), producing a textbook and notebook, happily chewing on her ration bar as she sat down and started working: she had noticed her inventory had pulled at her chakra when she compressed it, even when she had stopped pushing chakra into it; there was something there. She wasn't sure how she could get it to work, but it had potential.

"Hey Sakura-chan?"

"Yes, Naruto?"

"Whatcha reading?"

"Fuuinjutsu textbooks."

"Studying? why? we already finished the academy."

"Because, Naruto, I don't have a clan like Ino to teach me jutsu, or a fancy bloodline like Hinata, so I have to find other ways of making myself useful. I'm not sure if this will let me 'bind demons and shackle gods to my will' but it's something I can learn on my own, and while we're waiting for sensei, I've got nothing better to do."

"That's what you were doing yesterday in the classroom, too." said Sasuke.

"Yes, yes it is." Sakura answered happily, before returning to her books.

* * *

><p><em>"The cursed fang is here."<em>

'The what is where?' Sakura thought, looking up, finally noticing their sensei had arrived, after making them wait for 4 hours.

"YOU'RE LATE" She and Naruto shouted in unison.

"Mah, anyway, let's get started. I have two bells here. You have until noon to get them from me. Anyone who doesn't have a bell when this alarm goes off will be tied to a stump and get no lunch."

'So that's why he said to skip breakfast.' thought the three genin.

"But sensei," Sakura interjected, "there are three of us, and you only have two bells."

"Yes, that means at least one of you will fail this test and return to the academy, once I say 'Go', come at me with intent to kill: you can use any tools you have, even shuriken."

"Heh," Naruto chuckled, "This'll be a piece of cake, you're so slow you couldn't even dodge a chalkboard eraser."

"The smallest dogs always bark loudest."Kakashi shrugged, "Ignoring the dead-last here, start when I say-" he was interrupted by Naruto pulling a kunai and preparing to throw.

Suddenly, Kakashi wasn't there, he was behind Naruto, holding the kunai to the back of his neck. "Slow down, I didn't say 'go' yet."

There was no blur, no warning, no sound, he had simply been in one place one moment, and another the next.

'I'm supposed to beat this guy?' Sakura thought to herself.

_"Nope"_ said Ishi, a tinge of sadistic amusement in his voice.

'Well fuck you too.'

_"Sakura, if he is doing this test, he is doing it for a reason, now think: how do you beat an unbeatable opponent? "_

Sakura took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down, her thoughts racing as she tried to determine how to win what seemed to be an un-winnable game.

"Go."

Immediately, Sasuke disappeared into the foliage, while Sakura and Naruto remained in the clearing.

"Shouldn't you be hiding somewhere, Sakura-chan?" Kakashi looked surprised by her inaction, "I can understand Naruto staying in the open, but you should know better then that."

"HEY!"

"I know, sensei, but I want to try some things first."

"Oh?"

Sakura walked up to her teacher and held out her hand. "May I have a bell please, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi was flabberghasted, it was such a _civilian_ thing to do. Hadn't he just told this girl to come at him with intent to kill?

"Sure!"

"Really?"

"No."

"Fine, how much for a bell?"

"They're not for sale."

"I could trade you some custom tags I've been working on for one of them."

"Look Sakura, I applaud your creativity and willingness to use diplomacy to get what you want, so I'll be blunt, you're going to have to take these bells from me."

"Ok, sensei." Sakura said, then walked over to a tree, sat down, and pulled out a book.

"Ano, Sakura-chan, what are you doing?"

"Research, I had this idea for a chakra siphon and I can picture the basic array, but I'm looking for some chakra structures to handle the flow faster and more efficiently, if I get it working, I can use it as a module or template for a lot of different projects I'm working on."

"Shouldn't you be trying to get the bells?"

"Yes, yes I should."

At this point, Naruto finally regained enough composure to make use of Kakashi's apparent distraction to attack.

* * *

><p>'Ishi?'<p>

_"Yes Sakura"_

'Are you sure he's really supposed to be a legend?'

_"Yes, why do you ask?"_

'You saw how he just molested Naruto.'

_"Yes, and provided a lesson about both leaving openings in your attacks and underestimating your opponent that I doubt any of you, especially the little fox, will ever forget. Being straightforward is for samurai and engineers, not ninja or politicians"_

'Are those solid clones?'

_"Yes, yes they are." _Ichi began cackling maniacally, _"hehehehahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."_

_'_What are you laughing about?'

_"With a teammate capable of forming tangible, independently active copies, if Sasuke has half as much potential as Naruto just showed, the the three of you are going to bring the Elemental Nations to their knees."_

'I don't see how, especially when two of us at most are going to be on the same team."

_"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight."_

'And last week, Naruto couldn't even make normal clones, how can he make solid clones?'

_"A very good question, and one you should probably ask him at some point."_

"Friggin cryptic bullshit allusions" Sakura muttered to herself.

* * *

><p>'Sasuke is so amazing'<p>

_"His jutsu repertoire and taijutsu are excellet for a fresh genin, even if his mentality and planning need work"_

'Shut up, his planning and mentality are great'

_"And yet, despite his foresight and tactical flexibility, he is buried to the neck. If the stupidity of your two teammates got up to today is any indication of how your team meetings will go in the future, then I_ need to remember to bring popcorn next time._"_

'How would you even eat it?'

_"Let me have my dreams, Sakura"_

* * *

><p>Sakura meanwhile, went over and cut Naruto down from the tree Kakashi had used in his ankle noose trap.<p>

"Naruto, I'm going to take my turn for the bells now, would you please go dig up Sasuke while I'm working?"

"Why would I want to help that bastard?"

"Please, Naruto?" Sakura pouted, her eyes growing to ludicrous sizes and beginning to water, "For Me?"

"Ok, Sakura-chan, anything for you." capitulated Naruto.

* * *

><p>"Alright Kakashi-sensei, the boys had their turn, so I guess it's time to step up and get those bells."<p>

"Counteroffer: how about you just go back to your book, and I'll go back to mine?"

"Sorry Kakashi-sensei, I finished mine while you were using that earth jutsu on Sasuke." Sakura apologized, pulling a kunai and a paper tag out of her pockets. "Let's see how you like dealing with explosive tags," she said as she clumsily attached the sticky paper tag to the kunai, the throwing it at her opponent.

Unfortunately, she had also managed to stick the tag to her fingers, so while the kunai flew true, about 20 feet to Kakashi's left, the tag remained stuck to her hand.

Both ninja's eyes widened as they realized what had just happened.

"GETITOFFGETITOFFWHATDOIDOWHATDOIDOWHATDOIDOOHMYGODOHMYGOD"

Sakura wildly flailed her arm trying, unsuccessfully to dislodge the tag.

Kakashi froze. _'NotAgainRocksFallLightingBladeKyuubiObitoRinSenseiNotAgainNotAgain'_ and then burst into action, grabbing the tag and ripping it off his prospective student, only to get it stuck on him. He tried dislodging it with chakra, only for it to stubbornly remain attached to his right hand. His eyes widened as the fuse on the tag burned down, he held the tag away from Sakura shielding her with his body, hoping that at least his student would survive the explosion.

He turned away, fortified his limbs his limbs with chakra, and closed his eye.


	4. Chapter 4: Do the Impossible

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, but I'd be willing to buy him with this bridge I've got to sell you.

**Chapter 4: Do the impossible**

_He turned away, fortified his limbs his limbs with chakra, and closed his_ _eye._

Only for nothing to happen.

After several seconds, Kakashi opening his eyes, and looked at the tag, 'A dud?' he thought?

Then there was a huge bang and a flash of light. His eye burned, he ears rang (after checking the caller ID, he decided to screen the call), but he was alive, his potential student was alive, and that was what mattered. Speaking of his student though...

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" an unharmed Naruto shouted as he ran into the clearing, followed by a dirty and surprised, but otherwise unharmed Sasuke.

"I don't actually know; I guess an explosive tag misfired" Kakashi answered bluntly, still dealing with how close Sakura had come to death by an amateur's mistake with an explosive tag. Where did she even get them? Tags were expensive and she'd only been a ninja for a week.

"Are you OK Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked quickly, panic evident in his voice.

"Yes, I'm fine" Sakura answered dully as she walked away from Kakashi to stand next to Naruto and Sasuke, bring her hands together as she walked, her motions muted and robotic, as though she were in a daze.

*RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING*

Everyone was startled by the alarm.

"Well, it looks like you all failed, as none of you have a bell."

"What do you mean, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked, with the kind of innocent face you can only make when you've done something devious that you're truly proud of.

She tossed something small to Sasuke and Naruto, who both held them out, revealing her gift to be a bell.

Kakashi looked down at his belt, finally noticing the bells were gone, " .little... Well, while it seems you managed to get the bells away from me, by giving them to your teammates and not keeping one for yourself, you're failing the test yourself."

"What? No way! Sakura-chan was amazing, if she doesn't pass then I'll give her my bell." Naruto shouted out hastily

"Hn" said Sasuke, indicating his unwillingness to profit from a (marginal) teammates sacrifice

"Yeah, what Sasuke said!"

"Ano, Kakashi-sensei, if I don't have a bell, then what's this?" Sakura asked curiously, holding out what appeared to be a third bell in her hand.

"Huh," Kakashi stated in shock, "Well then, I guess you three all pass." using his visible eye, though bloodshot, to smile.

"BELIEVE IT!" "Hn!" "SHANNARO!"

"You know what, lets go get a victory lunch as a team, to celebrate." Sakura said, her happiness slowly bubbling over.

"Lunch with my cute little genin? Why not?" Kakashi answered, "There's some things I need to ask you, and some stuff we'll need to go over."

The restaurant was a nice place, if a bit empty. Their waitress had glared at Naruto, but was evidently not going to cause problems for four ninja, one of whom was clearly a jonin.

"Now, Sakura" Kakashi said, "Would you please explain to me what happened during the test?"

"Oh, sure, Kakashi-sensei. When you stopped Naruto for starting early, it was pretty clear there was no way we could beat you in a fair fight. We're just genin, and you're an experienced jonin, as you clearly showed us. So I thought there must be some hidden purpose to the test, which is why I asked for the bells first, and then offered to buy them." Sakura answered between bites of her salad. "But then you said that we would need to take the bells. And so I started thinking how to beat an unbeatable opponent, or how to win an un-winnable game. My first thought was to work together with Naruto and Sasuke, but Sasuke disappeared, and Naruto rushed in headlong. So I decided to wait a bit, let them get it out of their systems, then propose working together. But you buried Sasuke, so I asked Naruto to go dig him up, and decided to stall for time, when I had an idea." Sakura paused to take a sip of water.

"We might be no match for you in a fair fight, but we're ninja: I didn't need to beat you in a fair fight, I didn't even need to beat you. I needed to get the bells. So I pulled out a flash-bang tag, set it on a double timer, so it would go off several seconds after the fuse ran out, then faked it getting stuck to me and freaking out, so you would try to help me. When it looked like it would be a dud, you tried to examine the tag, so all your focus was on it went off. I took advantage of that to grab the bells, then faked the whole 'Oh my god, I almost died' walk of shame to the boys, and passed on the bells when the alarm went off."

"And the third bell?"

"Well, since I was going to be tricky, I decided to commit, the third bell was part of a disguise jutsu. You weren't looking for chakra, and you couldn't see my hands, so you didn't notice me using the jutsu."

Kakashi sighed, "I guess it was too much to hope for that even one of my cute little genin would be normal."

"How do you?" Sasuke asked.

"What?" Sakura and Kakashi asked simultaneously

"How do you beat an unbeatable opponent?"

A dark grin stretched across Sakura's face as she answered, "Simple, you cheat."

"Which brings me to my point, Sakura, you were right to try working with your teammates, even if it didn't pan out. The purpose of the test was to illustrate the importance of teamwork. You didn't need to get the bells so much as actually work together as a team. Naruto, you eventually did go help Sasuke, and you both showed concern for Sakura when she tried to not almost kill us, and none of you were willing to throw the others under the wagon to pass."

"But Kakashi-sensei, if you wanted me to work with the bastard and Sakura-chan, then why were there only two bells?"

"Because, Naruto, being a ninja of Konoha means working with your allies, and putting the good of the team and the village above personal desires and risks. Because, while a ninja who breaks the rules is trash, a ninja who abandons their comrades is worse."

The three genin sat in silence, contemplating there suddenly serious sensei.

"Oh by the way, Sakura?"

"Yes Sensei?"

"So help me, if you **ever** scare me like that again, _I will wreak a bloody vengeance the likes of which has not been seen since the reign of Konoha's Bloody Habanero. __**Understood?**__"_

*gulp* "Understood, Kakashi-sensei, it won't happen again."

"Now, since you're officially genin now, we'll need to go over the regulations for your conduct, both on missions and in your downtime, especially what is and isn't allowed when dealing with civilians. You see-" Kakashi droned out, listing the basic minutia that governed day-to-day shinobi life.

* * *

><p>A little later, as they were eating there dessert (she didn't care if she broke her diet, she was HAPPY today) Sakura perked up.<p>

"Oh, by the way, Naruto, how did you end up graduating, and where did you learn that clone jutsu you used today?"

Sasuke turned and looked at his most orange teammate expectantly, who scratched the back of his head.

"Ehehe, well, its sort a strange story, and-" "Classified" Kakashi cut in unexpectedly.

"Huh" "Hn"

Both Sakura and Sasuke wanted to know more, but knew better to press on a classified issue, they may be young ninja, but they had grown up in a ninja village, and classified meant classified.

* * *

><p>As Sakura walked home in a chipper mood, she thought to herself, 'I'm on a team with Sasuke-kun, True love conquers all'<p>

_"What do you know of true love? You're twelve."_

'Well I don't exactly see you in a lot of successful romantic relationships, Ishi'

_"I'm a cryptic voice in your head, which makes it hard to go on dates. The only people your body can attract as you are now are pedophiles."_

'I'm not going to let you get me down today! I passed, I'm on Sasuke's team, and Naruto has been less insufferable and more competent since graduation. I'm going to be an amazing kunoichi, and get Sasuke to realize we are meant to be together'

_"Slow your role there, little scholar, try being a friend and teammate first, if it really is meant to be, as you claim, then you don't need to force him to recognize it, it'll come in due time"_

'But I want it now!'

_"And I want a body of my own, the power of the sage of six paths, and two, open-minded hotties to be madly in love with me. Oh look, seems like we're both disappointed."_

'Are you saying you want to break up with me Ishi? Don't you love me anymore?'

_"Fishing for compliments with insincere self deprecation would work better if I weren't empathically connected to you and your chakra"_

'Wait, you can feel what I feel? Why haven't you said so before?'

_"I have, it was when I suggested you be honest with yourself and start chasing your blonde classmate instead of the hawk"_

'I don't remember you every recommending I date Naruto.'

_"Your other blonde classmate."_

'IT ISN'T LIKE THAT WITH ME AND INO'

_"Methinks the lady doth protest to much."_

'Shut up, you overgrown psychosis. If you're going to be like that, I'd rather talk about fuuinjutsu.'

_"I'm not going to let you deny your latent deelings that easily."_

'I have some ideas to improve the speed of your chakra siphon, but I don't see what good it will do.'

_"Well simple, you make a chakra storage seal, then have the siphon feed into it, you could have an external reserve of personal chakra, or simple chakra draining tags for an enemy, or conditional releases for integrated seals, or drain chakra from other seals or static chakra constructs, what were we talking about?"_

'Squirrels.'

**_"SQUIRREL!"_**


	5. Chapter 5: History class made me sleepy

**Disclaimer: **If I own Naruto, then I'm also one of the few people who has walked on the moon.

THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5: Wax on, Wax off<strong>

'Why am I doing this?'

_"Simple, little scholar, because it serves a purpose"_

'What purpose can painting a fence possible serve?'

_"It makes a fence look nice."_

'I MEAN WHAT PURPOSE FOR ME!'

_"What is your weakest point as a ninja, little scholar?"_

'I'm worst at Taijutsu. I can manage the jutsu I know easily, and even though I don't know any dedicated genjutsu, I can use sleight of hand, clones, and disguise easily enough to decieve most people below chuunin.'

_"More generally, your weakness is physical aptitude. You can't feel it, but I can tell you that between your forehead-"_ , which suddenly had a bulging vein, _"-And my presence, your chakra is stupidly unbalanced towards spiritual energy. Admittedly, you've been improving now that you're spending your mornings doing physical conditioning with your teammates when you teacher leaves you on your own, but the imbalance is still very prevalent. Now please, share with the class what that means."_

'It means my chakra is heavily set towards form rather than substance, which is why I can shape jutsu easily, and why I have less potent and less chakra.'

_"So the purpose of manual labor is to?"_

'Increase the amount of physical energy I have to work with, increase my chakra reserves, the potency of my chakra, and my general fitness.' Sakura sighed, 'So if these tedious chores are there for health and physical training, is catching Tora practice for tracking, stealth, and non-lethal capture?'

_"Yes, what about babysitting?"_

'Protection detail?'

_"Also sex-ed: a kunoichi that gets pregnant at an inopportune time is a drain on the village and knowledge of the consequences of parenthood is very helpful towards promoting responsibility. Grocery Shoping?"_

'Logistical optimization, haggling, and...efficiency in the pursuit of multiple objectives, because you have to search the whole market to find the best deals on everything you need and finish in a timely manner?'

_"Delivery?"_

'Courier missions'

_"Exactly, all of these missions are done to give you a basic taste of a variety of missions without placing you at risk or committing a large amount of time towards any one type of mission. Now, why else would the administration have you baby ninja doing D-rank missions here in the village? Other than the money they make and the introduction to basic mission archetypes?"_

'Well, other than helping the village and helping us personally, I guess, helping the clients? But why would people hire ninja to do simple jobs, it devalues labor in the village, doesn't it? So if the administration want US specifically to do it rather than simply have it done, then there's a reason for it. Politics? Publicity?'

_"Correct, civilians, even civilians in a ninja village, generally frown on the idea of child-soldiers. Having genin do minor jobs like this helps humanize the shinobi forces in the eyes of the public, and helps minimize the size of the dedicated labor force required to perform odd jobs around the village."_

'That makes a lot more sense then jonin hazing genin with crappy jobs.'

_"Your jonin is there to ensure you live as long as possible in a dangerous occupation, they seem nonsensical and insane because they want to protect and encourage you, in addition to their personal insanities."_

'Personal insanities?'

_"All ninja who have worked at it for more than several years are insane. They have to be."_

'What do you mean?'

_"War and killing do not promote the development of a well adjusted individual, and if you remain a shinobi long enough, you WILL be dealing with death, either your target's or your allies'. Even medic nin have to deal with patients they can't save or potential mistakes killing someone. I hope you find a flavor of crazy that suits you."_

'Wait, if manual labor is there to help me improve my physical energy, how would someone like Naruto, with tons of physical energy and not enough spiritual energy, improve their chakra composition with these missions?'

_"A good question, how do you think someone would improve their ability to give form to chakra?"_

'By practicing shaping it how they want?'

_"Yes, how did you do that at the academy?"_

'We floated leaves and meditated.'

_"Can you think of an analogue to those that would help paint a fence?"_

'Something involving chakra and paint? Maybe I could use my chakra to move the paint from the bucket onto the fence instead of using a brush?'

_"Try."_

'How?'

_"It's your chakra, the manifestion of you will and soul into the world. Try to interact with the paint and see what happens."_

'Ok'

* * *

><p>Kakashi watched his cute little genin paint a fence, their groans and pained expressions warmed his heart. He should have passed a squad years ago, he got paid, did little work, got to enjoy the pain his minions experienced as their souls died piece by piece in the face of tedious, unimportant labor. He noticed Sakura seemed to be spacing out, while Sasuke and Naruto subtly held a passiveaggressive race to paint the most fence. Just as he was about to toss a pebble at Sakura, though, she bent down to the can of paint, put her hand just above the surface of the white fluid, and focused. He reached out with his chakra senses and noticed she was trying to interact with the paint in some way. After a bit, she rose, the paint leaving the bucket in an amorphous blob, suspended beneath her hand. She seemed to have little difficulty maintaining the paint blob, but judging from the chakra drain, she wouldn't be able to maintain it for more than a half-hour or so before exhausting herself.

'Now where did she get that idea?' Kakashi thought to himself.

She took her hand, and moved the blob to the fence, leaving an even and thick coating everywhere it touched the wood. Seeing the results, Sakura got excited, deposited the paint back in the bucket, picked it up, and ran over to her teammates shouting, "Sasuke-kun, Naruto, you've got to try this!" before demonstrating her discovery to them. Both were impressed with the demonstration (At least Kakashi thought Sasuke was impressed, the pouting made it hard to tell), then asked how she had done it, prompting a short explanation of the interactions between chakra and fluids. After Naruto asked for clarification, his confusion evident, Sakura explained that by pushing chakra out of her hands, she could manipulate the paint to an extent.

Having grown bored of the brushes, both boys immediately tried to replicate her progress, only to find that chakra control was hard. They kept trying, achieving minor successes and covering some of the awful orange Naruto wore, insisting it was not act of war on everyone able to see him.

While the boys focused on their chakra, Sakura returned to the section of fence she had been painting, surprising Kakashi again by picking up her brush and painting without the use of chakra. Unable to focus on his book, (despite Akane-chan being a naughty, naughty girl) he got up, walked over, and asked, "What are you up to, my tricky little minion?"

"Oh, Kakashi-sensei," she answered, as she turned to look at him, "I was thinking about these missions, and I remembered what you said earlier about looking underneath the underneath. So I thought there might be a reason to do these mission other than you simply being a lazy sadist."

"Your faith in me is overwelming."

"So, I thought about what we were achieving here, beyond making some pocket money, and interacting with the villagers, I noticed that I've had a little more chakra after a week of these missions, so my physical energy has been increasing. So I wondered about how these missions would help someone with lots of physical energy and not as much spiritual energy, and thought maybe using chakra would help improve chakra control. So I tried experimenting with the paint, and it turns out dealing with homogeneous fluids is surprisingly simple, if finicky, when you don't need a lot of precise control, like painting a monochrome fence. The boys need spiritual energy more than physical energy, but I need physical energy more than spiritual, so I paint manually to get exercise, and they use chakra to get control. Hopefully, they'll get some insight into using chakra too."

"You really are a clever little ninja, aren't you?"

"I'm just trying to make the most of my time, Kakashi-sensei, the shinobi world is dangerous, even if I'm just doing D-ranks, I should try to get the most out of them." Sakura turned away from the fence to look at her sensei, "Before I forget, Kakashi-sensei, I heard your teacher was the Fourth Hokage, so I was wondering, did you ever learn any fuuinjutsu from him?"

"I like to think I'm more proficient than the average nin, even if I never had his flair for it."

"Would you be willing to look at some arrays I've made? Maybe give me some advice on improving them or projects to work on? I have one that basically drains chakra from an arbitrary source, but I can't seem to get it to work at a rate that would make it useful. And any insight or tips you have to share would be appreciated."

"If you give me some copies of your notes or the arrays, I might be inclined to look them over."

"Thanks, Kakashi-sensei"

"Now get back to painting the fence, minion, it'll take longer to finish now that Sasuke and Naruto are struggling to impersonate Jackson Pollock over there." Kakashi said, gesturing to the boys. Sasuke looked like a mime, and Naruto had apparently managed to replicate the effects of a paintbomb, splattering the street, fence, and himself with white paint. Both blinked owlishly at each other.

After a moment, Sakura burst out laughing, followed by the rest of Team 7.

* * *

><p>And so, the next 2 months passed, Team 7 did missions, Sakura experimenting with chakra to develop control exercises for her teammates (Raking leaves by using a tube as a chakra blower had been their favorite) developed new seals (With some oversight by Kakashi and Naruto's clones standing in as test subjects), and coming up with games to make the boring missions more interesting. Having a genin stand in as a thief, kidnapper, or assasin (armed with waterballoons) to make babysitting, catching Tora, or delivering a package made the glorified chores tolerable. On a side note, Naruto was such a cheater in those games, fucking clones...<p>

The motley crew grew closer, three orphans, a crazy girl, and the voice in her head becoming fast friends, Sasuke even smiled once, though that may have been fumes from their cleaning supplies that day.

Sakura even found something about Uzumaki sealing. It wasn't much, but an obscure passage in one of her books mentioned the First Hokage and his wife, Uzumaki Mito (was she related to Naruto?), using his Wood jutsu and her Uzumaki sealing to suppress the bijuu, seal them into people or objects, and pass them around to the other villages as a gesture of peace.

That settled it, if Uzumaki sealing could suppress the walking disasters that were called bijuu, then she wanted to learn it. Maybe she would ask Kakashi-sensei about it after she finished her next project, an expanding chakra containment seal to help her store more chakra.

With a groan she realized Ishi had been right, Fuuinjutsu apparently could bind demons, though she was still leery of binding gods to her will.

_"And yet you still doubt me"_

'Of course I do, according to you, the ten tailed beast is a tree.'

_"Fucking Demi-urge taking a nonsensical form just to screw with me"_

'I'm going to ignore that.'

* * *

><p>Eventually, however, Kakashi requested a C-rank mission, much to the surprise of Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke, and Iruka.<p>

"Are you sure they're ready for it, Kakashi?", asked the Hokage, in his sagely way.

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't think they were up to it."

"You got to be joking, Hatake-san, they've barely just graduated from the academy and you want them going on C-rank missions already?" asked Iruka, betraying the ghasted state of his flabber.

"Mah, don't worry, if anything goes wrong, I'll be there to handle it, but you're underestimating my minions here, they'll be fine."

_"You know, he's handed us missions dozens of times, but I don't think I'll ever get over the Hokage's appearance as a kind old grampa"_

'What's wrong with looking old?'

_"Nothing, until you remember he's an old_ _ninja.__ He's lived through two shinobi wars, and fought S-rank opponents, even after his prime. Sarutobi Hiruzen is one of the oldest, and most dangerous, ninja on the continent, and I can't help the urge to sit on his lap and ask him to tell me a story"_

Sakura struggled to suppress a giggle at that image, before focusing once again on her surroundings.

"If you are so confident in your students, Kakashi, then I suppose I can give you a simple bodyguard and escort mission.

_"Uggh, friggin escort missions and useless NPCs"_

'When I think that the voice in my head is crazy, it makes me much less confident about my mental state. Just so you know, Ishi'

"That's awesome, " Naruto shouted, as he jumped up and down in jubilation at the prospect of not having to deal with that evil cat or Sakura's water balloon attacks (using storage seals to carry around hundreds of balloons was cheating, friggin seal users) "Who are we guarding, a daimyo? a princess?"

"A bridge-builder"

Naruto's mood fell fast enough to catch fire on reentry, prompting a subtle eye smile from Kakashi.

"Send in the client"

"I paid for ninja, and you're giving me these brats? They don't look like they could kill time, much less protect me, especially that stupid looking short one."

"HEY, YOU DRUNK OLD MAN-"*thud*

"No killing the drunk old man you're being paid to protect Naruto, I know this is your first C-rank, so I'll let it slide, but don't let it happen again."

"Sorry, sensei."

"Team 7, you have accepted the mission to escort the bridge-builder Tazuna to his home in the land of waves and protect him as he finishes working on his current project. You depart tomorrow."

_"Make sure to pack extra food and supplies, because it's time for a Team 7 ROAD-TRIP!"_

'I wonder what the weather is like in wave country this time of year.'

* * *

><p>There were cicada's chirping outside her window.<p>

And the wind would irregularly tap a tree branch on the glass.

And the house wouldn't stop _groaning_.

And she was sure that the ticking of her clock had suddenly gotten louder. Probably sabotage by an enemy ninja to prevent her from performing well on her first real mission.

'Ishi? Would you tell me a bedtime story? Like you used to when I had a nightmare?'

_"I suppose I could. That book mentioned the First Hokage and the Kyuubi, so how about I tell you that story."_

'How would you even know that story?'

_"Yggdrasil crashed and trapped my in a variable time loop."_

'...just tell me the story'

_"As you wish."_

_"Once upon a time, before the hidden villages formed, in the time when ninja clans warred with each other at the drop of a hat, or fought with bandits at the drop of a hat, or pirates, or samurai, or lesser demons. Just don't drop hats around them. Two young boys met each other, separated by a river, One named Hashirama, the other Madara. They skipped rocks across the river to the other, talked and laughed, and even though the river was too deep and too fast for them to cross, they formed a friendship over that river, and passed it across with the stones they would skip._

_Unfortunately, Hashirama was of the Senju clan, Madara an Uchiha, and eventually, the fued between their two clans complicated their friendship, as their respective families would like nothing more than kill a scion of their rival clan. So the friendship ended, but was never forgotten._

_Years later they met on a battlefield, and in his desperation, Hashirama proposed an idea: an alliance of clans, villages where ninja could grow and learn in peace, and the endless skirmishes between clans could end._

_Madara agreed, wishing nothing more than to stop the deaths of his family members, knowing that he and his childhood friend were too evenly matched to guarantee victory. And thus, the rivalry between Uchiha and Senju ended, and Konohagakure no Sato was born."_

'But what does that have to do with the Kyuubi?'

_"I'm getting to it._

_As the source of the dream of peace, Hashirama Senju was named the First Hokage of the new village, and for a time, there was peace. Other clans formed similar villages in other nations, Konoha became allies with some of them, enemies of others. However, there was one village that established a true friendship with Kohona, Uzushiogakure no Sato."_

'The village hidden in the whirlpools? I've never heard of it.'

_"It has since been destroyed, but there was a time when Uzushio and Kohona were as brothers, their alliance cemented when Senju Hashirama married a princess from the strongest clan in Uzushio: Uzumaki Mito, a beauty with pale skin, slender form, and crimson hair that seemed to burn with her passions. The Uzumaki spiral became a symbol of trust and fidelity in Kohona, and is, to this day, a part of the standard Konoha uniform."_

_'_I always wondered why that spiral was on the back of the chuunin uniform, I thought it was a stylistic statement, not a political one'

_"And so Mito moved to Konoha, bringing her mastery of the Uzumaki's fuuinjutsu with her. It was she who first taught Senju Tobirama the finer points of Fuuinjutsu and chakra theory, which he expanded upon to form his own unique library of jutsus, the source of his legendary status. _

_Time passed, and Hashirama decided to stand down as Hokage, to allow another to lead, so that his dream of peace would outlive him. The clans and civilians of Kohona cried out for Senju Tobirama to take the seat of power, believing his wisdom would bring as much prosperity as his older brother's strength had. But Madara, who had hoped to succeed Hashirama himself, was angered by their decision; he viewed the choice of the people as a plot to maintain Senju hegemony over the Uchiha, so he went to his clan and tried to raise them in rebellion, to take power over the village for the Uchiha clan, but his cousins would not rebel: they had peace and wealth, parents lived to see their children grow up instead of having to bury them in their youth, and pride means little to a ninja compared to life._

_So Madara set out on his own, issuing a challenge to Hashirama: a duel to the death in three days on the river plains to the north of Konoha._

_But Madara knew there was no guarantee he could defeat his friend in battle, and so sought out to prepare. If his clan would not help him, he would find allies who could be made to help him. He had been given power by the eyes of misery, growing from the despair of his brother's death, and his resolve was tempered by paranoia and madness. _

_On the third day, Hashirama set out to meet Madara at the agreed upon place, bringing Mito, to witness if he was victorious, and to say goodbye if he fell. When they arrived, they found Madara accompanied by the Kyuubi, swirling tomoe visible in its blank eyes. _

_The battle lasted for days, their jutsu carving the earth beneath them and piercing the heavens above; as Madara and Hashirama were powerful beyond the scope of normal men, and had not been equaled before or since. The river plains were dug out, leaving what is now called the Valley of the End, but despite many minor wounds, neither man could finish the battle._

_But even as they tired, the Kyuubi did not, its malevolence and strength not limited by mortality, and so as the battle progressed, Madara, aided by the enslaved beast, had the better of the battle._

_Hashirama, in a desperate gamble, called upon his greatest art: Senjutsu. He had come to peace with himself and the world around him, and gained dominion over plants and all living things. His chakra and wood jutsu, as a result, were potent enough to first withstand, and then overpower, the entropic corruption of the bijuu's power. _

_Startled by the loss of his slave, Madara made a mistake, and took a fatal wound before losing control of his chakra and being swallowed by the earth. Ending the battle, but leaving Hashirama with no means of pacifying the Kyuubi. He had no sharingan, and no other Uchiha had mastered their eyes too the extent that Madara had, so none would be able to command the fox to go from that place peacefully, nor could he release it without risking it attacking the village he had worked so hard to protect. He could feel it rebel against its containment even then, and no simple construct would serve to hold the Kyuubi's might for long, leaving him with needing a way to kill an immortal beast."_

'Cheat.'

_"Yes little one, he cheated. Mito, having witness the battle, and he husband's despair at his powerlessness against this threat, came down from where she had hidden. Realizing that no prison or weapon of steel or wood could hold or kill the kyuubi, she turned to her clan arts, the arts that made her almost as fearsome in battle as her husband: Fuuinjutsu."_

_'_Fuuinjutsu?'

_"Crafting a seal as elegant as she was, herself, she bound the beast inside herself, using her own chakra, empowered by the seal, to suppress the beast for as long as she lived. She was the first jinchuriki of the Kyuubi, and inspired by that day, Hashirama and Mito went forth and captured all nine bijuu that wandered the land. Creating more jinchuriki, using the power of human sacrifice to bind the beasts that terrorized all before them, entrusting the various nations with the arts to replicate the feat and the responsibility of guarding the beasts and their hosts, shaping the future of the elemental nations."_

'zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz'

_"Good night, little scholar"_

* * *

><p>"Sakura-chan?"<p>

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Why didn't you pack anything for the trip?"

"Ano, Kakashi-sensei, I don't understand, I've got everything I could possible need for a long trip right here." Sakura said, pulling several scrolls from her pouch.

"Right," said Kakashi, "Just making sure."

"Fucking fuuinjutsu users," Sasuke muttered to himself


	6. Chapter 6: Rule 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any other intellectual property referenced in this story. I can't think of a joke to go with it this chapter, so instead I'll recommend Worm by wildbow, starring Taylor Hebert, the girl who's more ninja than anyone in Naruto save Hamura Ootsutsuki.**

Author's Note: Here's a bonus chapter to celebrate what appears to be the final showdown between Naruto and Sasuke. Chapter 692 made me think, "Dammit Sasuke, this is why we can't have nice things." Chapter 693 made me think, "Dammit Sakura, you devolve into simpering crush NOW? You tried to kill Sasuke personally at the Kage summit, but now you're proclaiming your love in response to his SPECIFICALLY STATED INTENTION to murder the 5 Kage and take over the world? It really reminded me why I wanted to write this fic.

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><p><strong>Sticks and Stones Chapter 6: Don't Talk about Team 7<strong>

Several hours into their walk, Sakura was happily humming to herself. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, the client was busy grouching at Naruto, and she had just had a truly brilliant idea on how to expand on some of her more basic seals, Standardizing the triggers and Chakra outputs to let her modularly recombine templates and interfaces was, in retrospect, a fantastic idea. It was so peaceful: she didn't think anything could possible go wrong for her today.

_"Dammit Sakura, that's a rookie mistake and you know it."_

'What are you talking about?'

_"You just tempted Murphy with a 20 oz steak."_

'Don't be silly Ishi, Murphy doesn't want to be fed, Murphy wants to hunt.'

Her internal admonishment was interrupted by two nin wearing masks and clawed gauntlets jumping out of a puddle and slicing Kakashi-sensei into several pieces.

"One down," said the first.

"Four to go" finished the second.

_"Called it"_

Sakura froze. Kakashi-sensei was dead? Was she going to die? Was her whole team about to die?

_"SAKURA!", _Ishi shouted, startling her from her fugue, _"Pocket 21"_

Right, her barrier seals, she had almost forgotten about them.

'16 and 4 and 1 makes 21,' she thought, channeling chakra to her left index finger, ring finger, and right pinky. producing a tag attached to a kunai, which she promptly activated and threw to the ground at her feet as Sasuke sprung into action. A pale bubble, almost reminiscent of a soap bubble shimmered into existence, separating herself from the outside world. She absently noticed that Tazuna was in the bubble with her, while Naruto and Sasuke were on the outside. But did it matter? These ninja had killed Kakashi-sensei, at best she had bought herself a minute or two until they managed to drain the barrier of chakra or break it down with physical force. She looked sullenly at where her teacher had fallen, deciding that it would be marginally worse to watch her teammates die than look at her teacher's corpse.

Wow, she new people could use wood as an innuendo, but she had no idea Kakashi was that much of a pervert.

Wait.

That wasn't a corpse, that was the splintered remains of a log.

_"Praise the log for it is good."_

'Not the time for your cult nonsense'

_"You too will come to see the divine beauty of the log."_

Ignoring Ishi's drivel, Sakura focused, trying to see if she could spot Kakashi-sensei hiding after he had substituted with a log to fake his death. Sasuke seemed to have the enemy nin handled, while Naruto seemed to be struggling not to run away. But everything was going to be ok: Kakashi-sensei was alive somewhere, the enemies were stuck to a tree by the chain that connected them, no-one had been hurt yet, oh, and the client was safe too.

Until, suddenly, the chain disconnected from the ninja's gauntlets. they ran past Sasuke, one towards Naruto, and the other straight AT HER!

Only to smack face first into the barrier.

Evidently the enemy nin were not only unobservant enough to miss Kakashi-sensei's substitution jutsu, but also able to miss the shimmer of her barrier tags. Unfortunately, that impact was apparently enough to shatter her barrier, Leaving the concussed nin to fall senseless at her feet. Thinking quickly, Sakura pulled out a Taser tag and slapped it on the back of his neck, then jumped back as he tried to stand shakily. He stared murderously at the young kunoichi.

For 3 seconds

His screams could be heard for miles as he convulsed on the ground while lightning coursed through his body.

This time, he didn't get up.

Sakura looked up, noticing that Naruto had finally done something, his clones restraining the other nin while Sasuke practiced his left hook. The original was bleeding, but the wound didn't appear to be life threatening. Or at least, not life threatening without immediate intervention. Deciding she had nothing better to do, picked up a stick and began poking the ninja she had somehow taken down. As she poked him (following the strict guidelines of ANBU stick-poking procedure, taught to all Kohona ninja) she realized that her barrier tag had been much less effective that she had hoped, she had really liked that design too, oh well. Turning over the body and checking a pulse, she noticed 3 things:

1. This ninja was a missing nin from Kiri

2. He was not dead, only unconscious.

3. Fried Kiri nin smelled nothing like fried fish.

Absently slapping a chakra draining tag on the nin, then walking over to the other and doing the same, Sakura realized that it was probably good that her barrier had failed here to these bozos. Her barrier specifically prevented raw energy and solid impacts from passing, water jutsu would pass through it like spoiled milk through Naruto. It would stop weapons, Fire, Lightning, and Earth (In theory) but water and wind were a huge hole in her defenses currently. She began pondering how she could fix it, and make her barriers more durable, as she patted down both ninjas, emptying their pockets of weapons and cash. They didn't have any orders or documents on them, but one had several vials labeled 'poison' and 'antidote', each seeming to be one dose. She casually threw one to Naruto.

"Their weapons were probably poisoned, you should take that after you wrap up the wound."

"Thanks, Sakura-chan"

"Yo," said Kakashi as he appeared in a swirl of leaves, prompting Naruto and Sasuke to look over at the splintered remains of a log and realized what Sakura had figured out during the fight. "I'm proud you did so well-"*slap*

"How DARE YOU, KAKASHI-SENSEI, YOU CHASTISED ME FOR FAKING A DANGEROUS SITUATION TO SCARE YOU, THEN FAKE YOUR DEATH IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT?! OF ALL THE CALLOUS, INCONSIDERATE, AND PAINFUL THINGS YOU COULD HAVE DONE, YOU DO THIS?" shouted Sakura. Then her face softened, and she started crying, "I thought you were dead, Kakashi-sensei," she said, hugging him.

Kakashi awkwardly patted her back with one hand, and touched his face where a red handprint would be visible if not for his mask, trying to comfort his minion when the other two minions joined the hug. "I'm sorry Sakura, I needed to figure out why they attacked us, they wouldn't drop their gaurd as long as I was here."

"New rule," Sakura sniffled out, "No Dying."

"Hm?"

"Rule 1 of Team 7: No dying. Not for real, not to fake during a fight, from now on, you 3 better be immortal, because if you die, so help me, I will find a way to drag you back from the pure world and make you regret your foolishness."

"Mah, I guess I could agree to that. Sasuke, Naruto? any questions, or something to add?"

"Hn"

"What Sasuke said."

"So what's rule 2 of team 7? If you seem so insistent on implementing them"

_"Don't talk about team 7."_

'Shut up'

_"Just let me bask in the love."_

"I'm sure I'll come up with something appropriate, Kakashi-sensei."

"So you three are all OK? Naruto, you've bandaged your wound? Sasuke, you're not hurt? Sakura, you didn't get any backlash from that lightning jutsu you just pulled out of nowhere?"

"Hn"

"What Sasuke said"

"It was a fuuinjutsu tag, not a lightning jutsu."

"I think I need to read your notes more carefully in the future; but first, perhaps Tazuna would like to explain why we were attacked by Kiri missing nin on what should have been a simple C-Rank escort mission?"

"Alright, its a long story," Tazuna began, explaining the poverty of wave, caused by extortion and and embargo imposed by Gato. How his thugs roamed the streets, beating anyone who showed the slightest defiance, taking whatever they wanted, how they hadn't had the money to hire ninja for an B or A rank escort, and how the only hope of wave freeing itself from Gato's suffocating economic grasp was the bridge Tazuna was building.

_"Gato is an idiot."_

'How so?'

"_There are two ways to gather wealth: the first is to take, the second is to make. If Gato really has a monopoly on shipping to Wave, then there is no reason for his extortion or impoverishing a nation. Poor people can't pay money for goods. By salting the earth like this, he is trading a minor increase in short term profit for anything approaching sustainability. Killing the golden goose, as it were."_

"Well minions, it seems that the scope of the mission drastically exceeds what you're prepared for, so it's time to head home."

"But sensei, we can't just leave him alone, Gato will kill him, we have to help!"

"Naruto, the next enemies will be jonin, not chunin like these guys-" "These idiots were chuunin?" "Quiet, Sakura, I'm talking. The next enemies will be much more dangerous, and I'm not sure I'll be able to protect you."

"Hn"

"Sasuke's right, we can't just back down now because things get a little scary."

"The boys are right, we've come all this way, we can't just let this drunk old man stagger off to his death."

"Well, if you're sure about this, I guess that I'm outvoted. We'll continue with the mission."

'So what do you think Ishi? can we handle it?'

_"I don't just think you can little scholar, I know you can"_

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><p>Later on the road,<p>

"Kakashi-sensei?"

"Yes, Sakura"

"Would Konoha accept non-liquid assets in lieu of a cash payment for a mission?"

"Typically it depends on the client, but yes, Kohona's generally pretty flexible about form of payment."

"Oh, so why didn't Tazuna just do that, offer partial ownership of the bridge or get a loan or something?"

"Tazuna? Care to explain?"

"You mean I could pay with property or something?"

"Yes"

"YOU MEAN I'M STUCK WITH THESE BRATS WHEN I COULD HAVE REAL NINJA?!"

"All this was spelled out in the manual you should have received when you were applying for a mission."

"..."

"You didn't read the manual, did you."

"...no."


	7. Chapter 7: The Plot (and mist) Thickens

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

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><p><strong>Sticks and Stones: Chapter 7<strong>

Being attacked and burdened with the fate of a nation made what had once been a pleasant stroll into a death march. The money and weapons she confiscated from the demon brothers did little to pacify Sakura's dread, substantial though both were, (It seemed like missing nin tended to carry most of their possessions on them, almost as if they didn't use banks.) Each shadow promised a new foe, every sound meant imminent death.

And Naruto and Kakashi apparently didn't notice that they could be attacked aT ANY MOMENT AND THEY SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT THE MANY SHARP IMPLEMENTS THAT MISSING NIN MIGHT POKE THEM WITH.

Eventually, the chipper Naruto and Kakashi's calm demeanor managed to lift her spirits to the point the trip was bearable, only for the coast to spit up a thick mist, exacerbating everything that had slowly eaten her confidence to start with.

The boat ride had been pleasant enough, and it looked like Tazuna actually could do something other than drink and complain, judging from the massive bridge that loomed over them as the crossed into wave country.

She wasn't sure she could take this much longer, she'd either kill herself or Naruto if he didn't STOP THROWING THOSE SHURIKEN AT EVERY BUSH, ROCK, AND PUDDLE THEY PASSED!

_"SQUIRREL!" _"THERE!" *thunk*

"Huh, he was right, there is something there. " Sakura said idly, walking over to the bush to see what it was. "Naruto, you know the last Vorpal Rabbits were exterminated during the Warring Clans Era, right?" she said as she held up the white rabbit that was still twitching from it's near death experience.

_"Aw, that's not a squirrel, it's just a smeerp."_

"GET DOWN!" Kakashi yelled, knocking over Tazuna and crouching low.

The trio of genin dove for cover, each barely avoiding a flying cleaver, preliminary analysis sizing it somewhere in the realm of "Stupidly Huge" as it flew just over their heads and embedded itself in a nearby tree, just in time for a man (homeless judging from his lack of a shirt) to land on it, boasting confidence by exposing his unarmored back to the assembled ninja, and it was clear he was a ninja, no civilian would wear that kind of face mask, or be able to jump 15 feet up and land on that sword, Sakura supposed.

"Sorry, Sharingan Kakashi, but the old man is mine," said the man.

_"I want that sword."_

_'_Not the time, Ishi'

_I. want. that. SWORD!"_

"Minions, this enemy is on a whole other level. I'm going to have to take this seriously," Kakashi said, reaching up to his forehead protector, "Protect Tazuna, and stay out of the fight, that is your teamwork here."

"Kakashi-sensei, I have to ask, at first I thought it was just you, but this guy clinches it. Is there a jutsu you learn to be legible through those masks, or do you have to demonstrate proficiency with talking through them before they're issued to you?"

The mysterious enemy, Kakashi, and Tazuna all looked at the young kunoichi as if her neck had grown 20 yards and become prehensile, while Sasuke was staring at his teacher as if he'd spontaneously grown an eyeball. Naruto, seemed to be finally grasping that jounin rank wasn't a prize from a box of crackerjacks.

"Interesting brat's you've got there, Kakashi." said the enemy as the teacher let out a groan, before disappearing, sword and all from his position.

Everyone turned as his voice came from the nearby lake, "Hiding in the Mist jutsu!" he called out from his position standing on the water.

_"What's next, spawning fish?"_

Ignoring Ishi's levity, Sakura's focused on her breath as the air stagnated around them, the fog _"Mist."_, began to grow thicker until she couldn't see her teammates or client despite their position several feet away.

"There _are_ **eight** targets" came a voice, "_Kidneys, _**Heart, **liver, _lungs,"_ it was coming from everywhere, "spine, **Subclavian artery**, _Jugular vein,_ and brain.", she could taste blood, feel her heart beat in her ears, the mist was drowning her, malice pouring down- "**CALM DOWN!**" came Kakashi's voice, interrupting her reverie. "I won't let my comrades die."

And somehow, his words made it so she could breath again. This was more dangerous than she'd expected, but if she stopped here, she'd never amount to anything as a ninja, and she refused to join Izumo and Kotetsu as Ornaments on the main gate when she returned to Konoha.

"We'll see about that." came the assasin's answer, from RIGHT BEHIND HER! She started to turn in panic, when she felt a kick propel her away from the scariest man she'd ever met, as she fell back she watched as Kakashi stabbed the enemy, who ...popped?...leaving a deluge of water, another copy _"Clone"_ appearing behind her sensei, swinging that stupid _"awesome"_ cleaver, who also fell, turning into a shower of water, as Kakashi appeared behind the assasin, holding a kunai to his throat.

"It's over" Kakashi stated clinically.

"Please, you can't win by imitating me like some chimp." came the reply.

Before Team 7 could blink, their sensei had been kicked into the lake, and trapped in a bubble of water held from the outstretched arm of the assailant.

"This'll be easier if you can't move, so you'll have to wait for me to finish dealing with your brats."

"HE CAN'T MOVE AS LONG AS HE MAINTAINS THIS PRISON, TAKE TAZUNA AND RUN!" Kakashi shouted to his team.

"Dammit Kakashi-sensei" Sakura groaned, then took a deep breath.

Her response was unexpected enough to make the ninja pause.

"It's been literally ONE DAY since we established rule one, and you're already trying to break it. We're ninja, and your comrades, so even if it means disobeying your orders, we're not going to leave you to die just because you made a mistake and got yourself captured."

"Ninja? you little kids?" the masked man snorted "A ninja is someone who walks the fine line between this world, and the next. Someone who has faced death multiple times, and still lives. Until you've done that and earned a place in my bingo book, you can't call yourselves ninja."

"Dammit Sakura, take you teammates and run, you can't win this fight. Zabuza Momochi earned his rank as a genin by casually slaughtering an entire graduating class from Kiri's academy before he had even started training to be a ninja. " Kakashi frantically shouted, hoping to scare away his genin, "He's bloodthirsty, ruthless, and has years of experience that you don't".

"You should listen to your betters, little girl, beating someone like me is impossible for spoiled little brats like you." the man they now knew was named Zabuza answered, forming a handsign, causing a clone of himself to rise from the water in front of him and step onto shore, and was promptly barraged by kunai, all of which the clone blocked with a cloned copy of Zabuza's cleaver.

Unfortunately for him, the cleaver couldn't block the low yield explosion from the tags Sakura had attached to her weapons.

*Boom*

As the smoke cleared between Zabuza and the genin, Sakura called out, "I don't care if it's impossible to beat you, we're stilling going to do it, " she snapped her fingers, causing a pair of red shades to appear in her hand, putting them on she shouted, "JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE?"

Zabuza looked at the genin, then at his prisoner, and said, "If these are you students, then you have my condolences."

"Naruto, Sasuke-kun, Attack Pattern Gimel!" Sakura ordered her teammates.

"Right, Sakura-chan!" "Hn", they answered, jumping forward.

A moment passed.

"Wait... Sakura-chan? What's attack pattern Gimel?" Naruto asked, as he looked at her with confusion

"Knowing this is a mercy killing makes me feel better." Zabuza said to Kakashi, not sure what to make of the three children's clumsy attempts to attack him.

"DAMMIT NARUTO, we went over this already, just...just do the thing we came up with for Tora"

"Got it."

Naruto tossed a kunai to Sasuke, then began throwing a veritable rain of kunai at Zaubza, who caught the first kunai almost lazily, and used it to deflect whatever subsequent kunai he couldn't simply dodge with his limited range of motion.

Only for all three kids to smile, as Sasuke seemed to pull on nothing with all his might. Zabuza felt wires dig into his toso, looking back, he saw the several kunai seem to curve midflight, and pass him again.

Then Sakura grabbed the kunai that Sasuke had been holding, only to throw it high into the air. Zabuza could feel the wires shift as the blade followed a lazy arc.

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><p>It should be noted, that electricity always tries to disperse itself, and followed the path of least resistance to do so. Air is a terrible conductor, so electricity almost always flows through a medium to reach the ground, where it can disperse to the earth with minimal effort. Metal, contrarily, is a fantastic conductor, as is water, so if, for example, an electric charge found itself at the end of a wire, which was still in midair on one end, and attached a kunai being held by or in flight wrapping around a wet man standing on a lake on the other, it would follow the path of least resistance right through that man into the large body of water and then the earth. Coincidentally, if that man happened to be holding an orb of water in midair from on arm, as no path connect the orb to the earth other than the man himself, the VAST majority of electricity would ignore the orb of water entirely.<p>

Zabuza didn't know these things, anymore than he knew Sakura had her Taser tags in her possession, but when he felt the wire begin digging into his skin, he knew something was about to happen, something bad.

* * *

><p>As the Taser tag went off, Zabuza Screamed, his prison collapsing. Unfortunately, as Sakura throwing the kunai as soon as as she planted her tag to prevent shocking herself, the knife soon fell into the lake, providing a shorter path to the ground than through Zabuza, but it had served to free Kakashi from his prison. With one jounin free and on his guard, and the other slightly crispy, it didn't take long for Kakashi to overpower Zabuza, But just as he was about to land the killing blow, two needles impaled Zabuza's throat, making him fall limp.<p>

While the genin stared dumbstruck at the body, Kakashi looked to the source of the senbon, verified it wasn't a new threat, then pulled out his ANBU issue stick, and began poking Zabuza with grace and precision developed over years as an black-ops captain.

"Did my tag burn off his eyebrows? I didn't think I was that good at making them yet."

"No Sakura, he didn't have eyebrows to begin with."

"You can't let me have anything, can you Kakashi-sensei?"

Sakura walked up to the corpse, freeing up Kakashi to focus on the new arrival. She reached for Zabuza's neck to take a pulse, pronouncing "He's dead" after a few seconds.

_"SWORD!"_

'Fine, Ishi, I'll take the sword.'

The then put her right hand on the back of Zabuza's neck, taking the handle of the sword in her left. She focused for several seconds, and the blade vanished from it harness on Zabuza's back. Then she finally tuned in to the conversation, just able to catch the a masked nin (a Kiri Hunter, based on the mask and headband) say "-kill Zabuza for a long time." Now if you'll excuse me, I need to dispose of the body." and promptly flicker to the corpse, pick it up, then flicker away.

Team 7 and Tazuna stared at each other, unable to believe that the fight was over, when Kakashi started to tip over and say, "Heh, guess I overdid it with that fight."

Sasuke turned over his prone teacher, then lowered Kakashi's headband to cover the jounin's left eye, "He's unconsious with chakra exhaustion, he'll be fine with time. Tazuna, do you live near hear? He's useless now, so Naruto and I will have to carry him."

The three genin walked on in silence, following Tazuna to his home, hoping that this would be the low point of the mission.

_'Ha'_

'Shut up, Ishi.'


	8. Chapter 8: Knowing is Half the Battle

**Disclaimer: If you come to a site with the word 'fanfiction' in the name, click to a section named after a popular franchise with hundreds of thousands of entries, and find this story and need to be told that I don't own the franchise this fanfic is being written about, then I have a bridge to Wave to sell you. **

**Because No, you haven't found the one story that Kishimoto decided to write and post to this site among the ocean of stories random teenagers have written and posted on this site. I don't own Naruto. (yet)**

**Sticks and Stones: Chapter 8**

'Why did you even want me to take this thing?'

_"I know you are young, so I'll let that question go. But simple put, this sword cannot be beaten."_

'1. We beat Zabuza, despite him having this sword, B. I don't know how to use a sword, and Third, even if I did, it wouldn't matter because I can't even lift it'

_"This. sword. CANNOT. BE. BEATEN."_

_..._

_"But seriously, this sword was one of the 7 swords of Kiri, they all had special properties, if the stories are correct, this is an artifact of chakra manipulation of some sort, or an incredibly potent Fuuinjutsu weapon, if the rumors about Shibuki are anything to go by."_

'A weapon that I can't use.'

_"And what can you learn from this weapon?"_

'I suppose I could try to deconstruct the array to get some idea of how it works, maybe try to apply whatever is special about it to some of my work'

_"Damn Straight"_

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><p>They had focused on establishing a perimeter, Sakura quickly wrote out several dozen tags with no purpose but to fail on proximity to chakra, activating a small lantern tag from a distance. Naruto and Sasuke went and placed the tags on the shore and in the woods around Tazuna's house, conveniently located just outside the main village. Naruto's clones finding places to hid the tags so they wouldn't be damaged, and Sasuke marking the location of each tag on a hand drawn map. Meanwhile, Sakura trapped most of the doors windows with either flash-bang tags, or simple 'bang' tags to serve as a nonlethal alarm and warning against assassins, an alarm that shouldn't hurt or kill random civilians.<p>

When Sasuke and Naruto returned with a map, Sakura placed each lantern tag on the map to correspond with it's trigger. Forming a map that should light up if any person cam withing 100 meters of the house, showing the location of their visitor on the perimeter, which was placed on a table in the center of the room, so no one would miss it should the perimeter 'alarm' go off.

Kakashi had shown no sign of improvement on the trip or since. He wasn't getting worse, but that wasn't much comfort to the resident's of the house. Tsunami (Tazuna's daughter) didn't seem to understand that her guests were ninja, not helpless children, and kept trying to mother the poor, wet, scared dears who had escorted her father and his ninja bodyguard home, much to Naruto and Sasuke's consternation.

Everyone gave Sakura shocked looks when she conjured a massive blade from nowhere, and began staring intently at the blade and handle.

"Ne, Sakura-chan, isn't that the sword Zabuza had on him? Where'd you get it?"

"From Zabuza's corpse, obviously, Naruto."

"Why didn't we notice you carrying that?"

"Oh, Sasuke-kun, why didn't you just ask? Fuuinjutsu."

"Fuuinjutsu."

"Yup"

The mothering tapered off after that.

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><p>Reading a seal typically wasn't difficult, which was why Ishi and Sakura could work together on arrays without much trouble. Reading an array in a syntax you were unfamiliar with was harder, but with time, you could generally figure out the gist of it. You might not be able to truly master it and understand all the nuances of it's use, but you could figure out the general algorithms used. So with time, creating an analogous seal was possible, even if it wouldn't necessarily be a polished or efficient as the original.<p>

Reading a seal that had been compressed already was far more difficult, and The Decapitating Cleaver had been finished, compiled, and put into use years ago. She didn't even know the syntax, but judging from the spirals that were prominent in the design, the maker had either used, or been inspired by, Uzumaki sealing. The only conclusion she could reach was that the array was passive or reactive. It had no chakra source to draw from, and didn't react to external chakra at all, but the array was active; so either it passively scanned for some trigger before reacting, or it simply was always on and had an incredibly subtle function with essentially negligible chakra costs.

_"Blood"_

'Hm?'

_"That symbol, 4 chains surrounding the kanji for iron, it means blood."_

'That conclusion isn't making me feel particularly great about this, and it'll take weeks to figure out anything appreciable about this seal.'

_"But something eventually is more than nothing ever."_

Their musing was interrupted by a groan. Looking over, she saw that Kakashi was awake and trying to sit up.

"Good morning, my cute little genin."

"It's 4 p.m., Kakashi-sensei" Sasuke said flatly.

"I got lost on the road to life, and that's why I had such a late morning?" Kakashi managed to get out after a few seconds, smiling with his eye.

No-one was quite sure how to take that.

"So, Naruto, report."

"Oh, right sensei, well, after you passed out, Sasuke and I carried you here to Tazuna's house, then we set up a perimeter with some of Sakura's tags, and trapped the windows and doors, that map will light up whenever someone walks past the tags, and then we just waited for you to wake up."

"Good work keeping you heads and continuing the mission, you three, and the perimeter especially, we certainly might need it, because I'm fairly certain that Zabuza is alive and that hunter nin was an accomplice."

Sakura's, Naruto's and Sasuke's eyes widened, as they slowly turning to look at the sword Sakura had been working on.

The sword that belonged to a dangerous Missing nin

The sword that belonged to a dangerous, LIVING, Missing nin

The sword that belonged to a dangerous, LIVING, Missing nin with a grudge against the team in general and Sakura specifically for beating him, shocking him, and getting in the way of his contract.

"Shit"

"Sakura, where did you get that sword?"

* * *

><p>"Anyway, if I'm correct, Zabuza will be out of action for at least a week, and if I'm wrong, it'll take a while for Gato to find a different mercenary to kill Tazuna. So we're going to use that time to increase your training. The three of you have made the most of your time so far, and your progress has been good for fresh genin so far, so I'm going to introduce you to an exercise that I'm actually surprised you haven't found for yourselves yet." Kakashi said, as he hobbled out into the woods on crutches, leading his genin to a clearing surrounded by tall and thick trees.<p>

"Alright!, is it a cool jutsu, sensei?" Naruto asked jubilantly.

"Yeah, Kakashi-sensei, how are we going to be training?" Sasuke contributed.

"We're going to be climbing trees." Kakashi smiled at the disappointment that grew on his minion's faces, before turning away from them again and walking up a nearby tree, crutches and all, as though it were a horizontal surface.

"Holy crap, Kakashi-sensei, that's awesome" Naruto cried out, "How do we do that?"

"Simple, you channel chakra to your feet and use it to stick to the tree."

Comprehension dawning on her face, Sakura asked, "Is this how you and Zabuza were walking on water during your fight? And how can you do that with the crutches if you're only channeling chakra out your feet?"

"Walking on water is a more advanced exercise, master this and maybe your chakra control will improve enough to try learning it. As for the crutches? I'm just that awesome, now get to it. A running start will help you progress; use a kunai to score a gash in the bark of your tree to track your progress, now get to it."

"Hn"

"Sasuke's right, we're gonna get this in no time."

Both boys ran towards a tree, confident they'd be the first to reach the top, determined to beat the other.

Naruto fell almost immediately, landing in a heap at the base of his tree. Sasuke managed a few steps before the bark of the tree shattered, launching him back into the air, giving him enough spin to land a backflip.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Both boys looked at Sakura, who was _cartwheeling_ up and down her tree. "THIS IS AWESOME!"

She ran to the underside of a branch, conjuring a standard issue 10 foot pole with a snap of her fingers, pushing it up to the branch she was hanging from, focusing for a second, then pushing herself down to hang from the stick, which remained fastened to the tree branch above it. She then pulled herself up, placed the bottom of her foot on the pole, and let go, suspending herself in a standing position from the bottom of the pole, which was suspended from the bottom of the tree branch, despite there being no obvious grip between herself, the walking stick, or the tree. She laughed as she hung there, her hair brushing the grass beneath her.

"Well Sakura, it seems you have this under control. Naruto, if you don't work harder, she might beat you to the Hokage's hat.

"Yatta! Sakura-chan, you're amazing. How did you get it so fast?"

"Just feel the flow of chakra from your body to the tree, see how much you need to stick, and how much you can use without breaking the tree and pushing yourself away from it." Sakura lectured, as she swung back to the trunk of the tree, her walking stick vanishing, and began walking around the trunk and branches, defying gravity like a rose-haired MC Escher. "Then just practicing 'till it's second nature."

"That's right Sakura, and since you mastered this so easily, you'll be guarding Tazuna as he works on the bridge tomorrow." Kakashi said with a smile, "Now, other, lesser minions, get back to climbing, you won't improve your chakra control standing there like idiots." prompting Naruto and Sasuke to jump into action. Neither gave any outward sign of following Sakura's advice to feel the chakra flow and interaction, but each attempt they made was a clear and major improvement over the previous.

After watching for several minutes, Kakashi motioned to Sakura and they began to walk back to Tazuna's house.

"You know, Sakura, I've really been impressed by your growth, all three of my cute little are growing up so fast. Naruto has probably made the most physical progress, now that the holes in his education are finally getting addressed, but you took my advice to look 'underneath the underneath' and ran with it. Making the most of your mornings with the boys and getting as much improvement out of D-rank missions shows a mindset beyond your age."

"Well when you told us to be there early and didn't show up for your own meeting, it was pretty clear we were supposed to be doing something with that time that we couldn't do on our own and didn't need you for. Doing some basic training and brainstorming with Naruto and Sasuke-kun seemed like the best choice."

"Your logic is impeccable. You've become quite the devious little kunoichi, and I noticed you emptied the demon brothers pockets after the three of you beat them as well as taken Zabuza's sword from his 'corpse', so I'm going to have to give you a warning: looting corpses and downed shinobi is discouraged unless you are absolutely sure they're dead and no-one is around. Stripping a prisoner of weapons is fine, as long as you absolutely have them secured first and the area is secure, but dead shinobi sometimes turn out to be living shinobi waiting for you to let your guard down, so you might want to cut back on that in the future."

"But Kakashi-senseeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii," Sakura whined, "how will I improve my pick pocketing without practice, sleight-of-hand is important for subterfuge, showmanship, and intimidation of enemies."

"And that's all very well and good, but if you want to practice sleight-of-hand, I can teach you to cheat at cards or do magic tricks, you shouldn't endager yourself and your team by approaching hostile shinobi unless you have to."

"Fine, Kakashi-sensei, I won't do it in the future."

"Now, this week is more important for you than the boys. If you've been learning fuuinjutsu, then time to prepare for a known foe in one of several distinct locations is a major advantage. So tell me, where are we likely to be attacked?"

"At Tazuna's house or at the bridge."

"You get a gold star, Sakura, now start thinking about defensive measures for those locations that you can implement subtly in a week without endangering the workers or Tazuna's family. What do we know about Zabuza."

"He uses mist, water jutsu, assasination techniques, intimidation, and kenjutsu, but he doesn't have his sword, so he's going to be angry when he comes looking for it, and his accomplice used senbon with lots of precision, so the fake hunter nin is probably a lot more precise in combat. The water jutsu makes me think he's more likely to attack at the bridge, but since Tsunami and Inari will spend most of there time in the house we'll need to find a way to protect themselves or warn us if they're attacked while we're away or Zabuza tries to take hostages"

"Very good, how would you counter those things."

"Maybe get a desiccant to deny or limit the effectiveness of his water jutsu, sand could work. My barrier should block senbon without problems, but it limits mobility, so I could give Tazuna a few tags activated manually and tell him to use them to prevent stray hits or sneak attacks if we're attacked. I can make an alarm and locator tag for the civilians to signal us if there's trouble. We can't exactly place a bunch of traps on the bridge without endangering Tazuna and his workers, but I could set up a perimeter to give us some warning if they attack, or we could set traps in a nearby area and try to lead Zabuza into it once he shows up." Taking a deep breath, Sakura continued

"The biggest problem is Zabuza's mist, limited visibility hinders us a lot more than it hinders him, especially since you use a doujutsu in high level fights, Kakashi-sensei. So I could probably make a heat emitting tag to try to disperse the mist, but it would only work in a small area, and as a battle of attrition, making mist is easier than dispersing it in this humidity. I have an idea to set up little tables or alcoves with lantern tags stuck to the bottom surface, to direct the light at the ground and help improve visibility in the mist, if I can work out how to change the color of the light my lantern tags emit to make them amber or yellow, then I could probably improve visibility a lot. My lantern tags are really efficient too, they take barely any chakra and can run for hours once activated."

"That's...actually a lot more than I was expecting. Any other insight?"

"Well I could make lots of explosive tags, and just try to use enough that Zabuza can't hide from them, or some wide range element attack, but the collateral damage would be problematic. I'll probably think of something else later. I know better than to ask a veteran ninja the extent of their abilities, or I'd offer to try making some tags to synergize with you techniques, but other than your sharingan, one earth jutsu, and konoha's most secret and forbidden taijutsu art, your abilities are a mystery to me sensei. Of course, we could follow some of Gato's thugs, if they really are just patrolling the streets, maybe they'd lead us to Gato or Zabuza so we could gather more intel, or attack preemptively."

"While in general, you'd be correct to suggest taking the initiative like that, but we have to guard multiple people who will be in a variety of places; with me still recovering, we don't have the resources to spend time tracking down Zabuza or Gato, especially when we aren't sure how strong his ally is. If Gato continues to be a problem once Zabuza has been dealt with and I'm back at full strength, we can revisit the idea of dealing with him, but until then, just use this time make contingencies for the fight. Every suggestion you've had is excellent, with the exception of mass exploding tags and using sand as a desiccant, you'd need a ludicrous ammount to appreciably affect his water jutsu on an island like this. For now, set up a perimeter alarm at the bridge; then focus on the lights enough for the bridge and the area around Tazuna's home. Then make barrier and alarm tags for Tazuna and his family two back ups per person. You can mentally design them while guarding Tazuna, but only actually make the seals in the evenings when we're all at base. Set up the light seals as soon as they're done, and set them to activate and deactivate based on one of two master triggers. One for you, and one for me. When guarding Tazuna, keep working on your chakra control, but never let yourself drop below 75% of your reserves. Understood?"

"Perimeter, lights, barriers, alarms, combat ready, understood Kakashi-taichou." Sakura saluted.

"On an unrelated note, have you learned anything from the cleaver you stole?"

"Not much Kakashi-sensei, I think it uses Uzumaki syntax, and I'm fairly certain it uses blood somehow, but that's it right now. If I had more time to study it, or could decrompress the seal to its base state without worrying about damaging it, I could give you a better answer."

"Alright then, Sakura, when we get back to Konoha, I'll get you a book on de-compiling active seals on inanimate objects, and if you ask nicely and make it worth my while, I might be convinced to let you browse my notes on Uzumaki syntax. They're nowhere near complete, but all knowledge on the Uzumaki sealing is typically guarded vary closely."

"Thanks Kakashi-sensei, keep it up and I might forget how close you came to breaking rule #1."


	9. Chapter 9: World-Building Bedtime Story

**Disclaimer: I have not obtained the intellectual property rights to the naruto franchise since I last posted a chapter, and even if you think intellectual property law is bogus (and as an internet user you probably do), I still don't have enough confidence in my lawyer to simply ignore it. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 9: World-Building through Bedtime Stories<strong>

The fog-lantern seals had taken less than an hour to redesign: Setting a sharp angle on the light emitted was trivial at this point for her, making it easy to have a tag meant for a vertical surface meant to illuminate the ground rather than the particles of water that made up mist. Changing the color had take a while, and she'd needed to switch from 5 Elements syntax to 8 Trigrams syntax to make it work. (Odd that the color of light would be more related to it's interactions with space than its source. Ishi had laughed when she gave up trying to use 5 Elements and took his advice to switch syntax, only to have most of her problems immediately resolve themselves.)

The barrier tags, she already had designed, she just needed to make break out some of her manual trigger interfaces so Tazuna, Tsunami, and Inari could activate their barrier tags without chakra. Making alarm seals was easy, she just made several torch tags, with an independent supressor. When the supressor tag war broken (easily achieved by tearing the paper), the warning tags corresponding to the suppresor heated up, then she simply gave a suppresor to Tazuna and kept the torch tag to herself. Preparing these tags took most of her chakra, so she was pretty wiped out, but all that was left was to hand out the tags (with a smoke signal to act as a locator for each person)

Sakura then learned an important lesson: The human element is, and always will be, the weak link of any form of security.

"I don't care what you say, this is a waste of time. You're just going to die"

Inari was the only brat she'd ever met more irritating than Konohamaru back in Konoha.

"Oh really, Inari-chan? What makes you say that?" Sakura asked, baring her teeth in an expression that might be recognizable as a smile to someone with a degenerative ocular condition and absolutely no understanding of how people express and emotions.

"Gato's too strong, he's just going to kill you too. You should leave before he gets the chance."

"Your concern is-" *inhale*,"-touching," Sakura managed to hiss, "but these tags are for your benefit, and your mother and grandfather's benefit, not mine. Now take the seals or, so help me, I will _cut the seals into your skin to **make **you take them.__"__  
><em>

Inari saw death and fire in the seal-users eyes, swallowed his complaints, and took the tags before retiring to his room in a dignified manner. He wasn't running away, he just didn't have any reason to talk to the crazy girl who would be dead soon.

"Sakura, no threatening clients or their families with mutilation, even if it's in their best interest" Kakashi swatted her head as a reprimand.

"But Kakashi-senseeeeeeeiiiiii, how else am I supposed to get that passive-aggressive, little pustule to cooperate with the measures put there for his own safety if he doesn't find his continued wellbeing to be enough motivation?" She whined, rubbing her head, ensuring her hair wasn't messed up.

"Getting a child to do what he's told is typically the job of his mother, you should have just told Tsunami that her son didn't care if he lived or died."

"And you call me devious? That's crosses the line into sadistically manipulative."

"Eh, if it works"

"Sadism aside, would you happen to know of a better way to make a locator seal than just making it a chakra beacon? I'm to tired to charge them today, but I can still try to design some that won't broadcast our clients location to every ninja on the island." Sakura asked.

"Nope, that's typically why people don't use locator seals, except to keep track of prisoners."

_"Use a radio signal."_

'What?'

_"Your team has used radios, so you should be familiar with the principles that govern them. Make one seal that emits radio waves of a known frequency, it shouldn't take much more energy than a lantern tag. Then make a receiver tag that measures radio waves to tell if it's gone off."_

'But that would just tell you if it's gone off, not where it is.'

_"Then use the strength of the signal to estimate the distance, and have a receiver measure from two points with known relative location and triangulate."_

'That's actually would work. Any given signal would be traced to one of two possible points in opposite directions, paying attention should eliminate possibility immediately, very few ninja take radio equipment into the field, and all we need to do is pick a frequency in a range that isn't used for communication to prevent anyone from following the signal unless they know to look for it already.'

"You know, Sakura," Kakashi stated calmly, "When you zone out like that, I'm not sure whether the result is going to make me laugh or cry."

"Sorry, Kakashi-sensei, but I had an idea for a better mouse-trap" Sakura answered absently, her eyes flickering back and forth between figures and formulas that only she could see. "I can't finish them till tomorrow, but that's fine, because working out the math will take a while. If it works, we'll have locators that don't just belch chakra into the air."

"Well then, I guess its time for both of us to hit the books," Kakashi giggled.

* * *

><p>The next day, Sakura escorted Tazuna to the bridge while Kakashi stayed with Tsunami and Inari, who'd had some argument with Naruto apparently. The boys focused on their training. Both could walk in horizontal and vertical surfaces without problems as long as they focused, but they refused to give up until it was effortless, and both wanted to figure out how Sakura and Kakashi had used a 10' pole and crutches to stick to trees instead of their feet. Each boy refused to give up first.<p>

The first thing she did was set up a perimeter alarm array. She had more time, now that she wasn't panicking, so the alarm could be reset remotely without needing to set up a new tag, and the alarm corresponded to a set of lantern seals on a compass, which would light up to point the direction of the incursion; the intensity of the light would increase to indicate how much charka was near the tag in a given direction, and the directions would rotate with the compass to make it easier to interpret.

Setting it up had take most of the day, and she had to take breaks while charging it to prevent breaking the rules on limiting her chakra usage. By the time the entire perimeter was set up and activated, it was time to head home for the day. It had been a calm day, and done much to repair her frayed nerves after the hectic fights with missing nin.

Tazuna and Sakura's arrived at home base to the sight of Sasuke and Naruto forcing themselves to eat enough food for 5 men, each. Inari seemed to be in a better mood today (though he flinched whenever she got to close to him), and Kakashi-sensei and Tsunami kept shooting each other discreet glances when they thought no one was looking. Desperate to stop her sensei from seducing the client's daughter, Sakura blurted out, "Kakashi-sensei, could you help me check my locator tag designs and test their radius if they work?"

"Sure, Sakura," Kakashi answered, his voice tinged with a barely detectable hint of disappointment.

* * *

><p>The trip into town the next day to buy groceries really illuminated exactly how poorly Wave's economy was doing.<p>

_"Such a waste."_

'I know, what kind of person would drive a place to this?'

_"So much idleness, they have nothing, do nothing, and make nothing. The entire country seems to have just stopped, all because of one man's stupidity."_

Sakura had a run in with some street urchins, and was moved by their plight, so she started passing out candy to the various children they passed on the way home, amusing the more curious one with a few basic card tricks, using a deck Kakashi had given her to work on dexterity and sleight-of-hand.

But other than one bad pickpocket (never try to con a conwoman, kids), the day was peaceful. The thugs that roamed the town saw her forehead protector and instantly knew better than to try starting trouble. She may only be a genin, but she was still a ninja: to bandits and mercenaries, ninja were the monsters that hid under your bed after killing the demon that had previously lived there, and were often identifiable by their distinctive hats, which tended to resemble the heads of demons that lived under beds.

The shopping didn't take very long (unsurprising in a market practically devoid of goods to sell), so she had plenty of time once she and Tazuna returned home to practice walking on the surface of the ocean adjacent to their home base. Stationary water was trivial, barely harder than tree walking, essentially an inversion of the paint blob trick she had discovered when painting fences so long ago. (Had it really only been a month since then?) Standing on water with small waves was harder, but a little focus and she could adjust her chakra flow to compensate for the unstable surface. Walking on a water was more difficult, because she had to keep her balance on an unstable surface, adjust her chakra at a split second.

She could rely on herself to get a sudden cool-down whenever the strain of the activity got her focused, even if the water did ruin her hair and soak her dress and pants.

'I should get Sasuke-kun to do this.'

_"Ew."_

She started to run low on chakra just as she started running through taijutsu katas on the water, so she decided to dry off, producing a towel from hammerspace to do so, and head inside.

_"I told you, always have a towel."_

* * *

><p>Kakashi was proud of his genin, they were learning not to rely on gimmicks and fancy jutsu, patching up the holes in their abilities at a phenomenal rate, and Sasuke and Naruto had made excellent progress on tree walking. Both had already gotten down the basics, but were dedicated to reaching mastery, meaning reflexive usage even through intermediaries and when distracted; having been inspired by Sakura's display the first day. While Sakura had shown a remarkable creativity in combining basic seals to achieve a variety of practical effects. Admittedly, Naruto had scared him when he stayed out all night training yesterday, but he hadn't been hurt in any way. If the three kept up progressing at this rate, they might not be his cute little <em>genin<em> for much longer.

More important than their physical development was their mental growth. Sasuke had started trusting his teammates, even if the indication were subtle, viewing them as more than simple baggage, recognizing that they each had some unique skills. Naruto was starting to learn to work with a team, and happily adjusting to having comrades he could rely on, it helped that his teacher wasn't trying to kill him this time. Sakura seemed dedicated to helping her teammates grow, overcoming both her and their limits, and it showed in everyone's progress.

Tomorrow was the most likely day for an attack, so he should probably stop Naruto and Sasuke from working themselves into the ground today, they already had shown better improvement then he expected them to develop this week. His team was going to be juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust fine.

* * *

><p>There were cicada's chirping outside her window.<p>

Cicada's she was sure hadn't been that loud yesterday.

There was only one possible explanation: A rogue member of the Aburame clan, working for a subversive militant group to undermine the Hokage had trained the Cicada's from back home to follow her and chirp as loudly as possible on important nights to prevent her from being well rested while on missions. That made sense, right?

_"Trouble sleeping ? I didn't think your teammates snored that loudly."_

'Zabuza is supposed to attack tomorrow, this time his partner the hunter nin should be there. We barely won the last fight as it was.'

_"Would you like me to tell you a story?"_

_'_Why not?' thought Sakura tiredly

_"Mmmm, well, last time I told yyou the story of Madara and the Kyuubi, so I suppose I could tell you where the bijuu come from this time._

_Ahem. The world is older than you know, Sakura, and all life on it is connected. Over many thousands of years, the energies of life coalesced into one force, containing the drive of all living things to grow and feed: the demi-urge. The demi-urge gathered together and gave itself both form and substance, becoming a sapling. It grew quickly, as all life gave it strength to grow, and all life demanded it survive. In time, it towered over all the other plants and animals around it, and life flourished. It's mighty branches touched the clouds, it roots and trunk grew thick and strong; so mighty was the form of the demi-urge that all people who saw it came to call it the Shinju, tree of god, and at the center of its branches, there grew a fruit, containing the true essence of life made manifest._

_A woman, named Ootsutsuki Kaguya, seeing that people fought and killed senselessly, that they crawled in the dirt in a mad scramble for joy and power, decided that they needed a ruler to impose order and bring meaning to their ugly little lives. She saw the Shinju, the avatar of the triumph of life over adversity, and was inspired. She climbed the tree, with her bare hands, slowly making her way to the top of that monarch of life, and there, in the heart of the shinju, where the branches were so thick around her she could no longer see the sky or ground, she saw a fruit. Taking it, she ate of the fruit, and **understood. **The power in the fruit granted her something that had never been in human hands: chakra. Thus Kaguya gained power, and the shinju allowed its power to be stolen, knowing that when the thief died, the chakra would be returned to it._

_So shocked was she by the alien energy infusing her being that she fell, and though the ground mercilessly broken her bones, she was alive. Her wounds healed supernaturally fast, and so Kaguya set out to bring order to the peoples of the world. With chakra, she was an army unto herself: the elements were hers to command, and no weapon had the power to slay her. Everyone feared her power, until the entire world worshiped her as a god._

_For a time, there was peace, and Kaguya had a son, who she named Hagoromo. Conceived of a woman with the power of a god, he was unique. He had chakra that was truly his, rather than a gift from the shinju, and his eyes had the power to breach the barrier between the pure and impure worlds. Later, Kaguya had a second son, named Hamura, and while he did not have power over death like his brother, he was strong beyond mortal men in his own right, and had true control over nature itself._

_But over time, Kaguya grew cruel to the people, cruelly punishing them in response to perceived slights and the smallest disobedience. Was if not natural, for the people to bow before their queen and god? Did they not crave the meaning that subjugation brought to them? She was their god, and as such her word was law, any who did not bow to her will was as foolish as King Canute, who demanded the tides turn back on the beach._

_Hagoromo and Hamura saw the pain that their mother caused, and together, with Hagoromo's divinity and Homura's mortality, the cast down their mother. She was sealed in a stone tomb, her powers suppressed, which the brothers tore from the earth and cast into the sky, where it became the moon. And again, there was peace. The brothers spread there chakra across the world, teaching others how to use it, and a new age began._

_But the shinju saw this, and was angered. Its chakra had been stolen by Kaguya, some passed on to her sons, and the rest was now bound to the heavens, where it could never return to its master. In its anger, it sought to reclaim what chakra it could, growing out and devouring all the people within it's grasp. Thousands were killed before Hagoromo stepped forward and did battle with the avatar of nature, using his own potent chakra to protect the world from destruction. He triumphed, after seven days and seven nights, sealing the shinju into his own body, the power of his sacrifice forging an unbreakable cage. He became the first jinchuuriki._

_But he knew that the monster would be released to devour all mankind when he died, so he sought to break its power._

_He could not simply divide its chakra and disperse it, for it simply coalesce again. So he sundered the beast, taking the drives that gave birth to it and giving each its own body._

_From its hunger, he crafted a tanuki, and while the Shinju's hunger was greater than a normal creature's, it had little need for nourishment, so the tanuki had only a single tail._

_From its lust came a cat, and while the Shinju had no mate, it grew fruits, marking its lust as greater than its hunger, thus the cat with two tails was greater then the tanuki with one._

_From its stubbornness cam a turtle, while it's honor gave birth to an Ape, its bloodlust a kirin, its fear a slug, its joy a beetle, and its generosity an ox._

_Each portion of the Shinju was greater than the last, and each beast was stronger than its predecessor, and so Hagoromo came to the last piece of the shinju: its __**understanding,**for the Shinju understood all creatures as they understood themselves, and from its empathy. Hagoromo crafted a fox with nine tails.  
><em>

_Instructing his creations to go forth, learn, and grow so they may never be brought back together to recreate the monster that had terrorized the world, Hagoromo finished his work and finally allowed himself to rest in the pure world, where he now remains."_

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

_"Good Night, Sakura"_

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><p><strong><em>Author's Note: Sorry for not posting this on Wednesday. I've been swamped recently, and I think I'll be better off posting on weekends then my original plan of Wednesdays. <em>**

**But Good News, everyone, we're finally coming to the conclusion of the wave arc, which means team 7 will be faced with a serious enough event to justify some character growth and divide S&Sakura from canon!Sakura. I have rough drafts of the next two chapters, but they're both very short and still need some editting. As an apology for taking a week and a half to update again, I plan to post chapter 10 next Saturday and chapter 11 next Sunday.**

**Thanks for sticking with me so far, so have an omake:**

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><p><strong>Omake: What would happen if Ishi had been the voice in someone else's head<strong>

*drip*

In a sewer, a fox pondered the bars of its cage, just as it had for the past several years.

*drip*

"..."

*drip*

"Goddammit this is so boring, if something doesn't happen soon I'm going to go postal."

*drip*

"I'm going to kill someone: maybe myself, maybe someone else, I haven't decided yet, but death will be involved somehow."

*drip*


	10. Chapter 10: Showmanship is Everything

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and am too lazy to make a slightly clever joke for this chapter's disclaimer.**

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><p><strong>Sticks and Stones Chapter 10: Showmanship is everything<strong>

The next morning, Tazuna and Team 7 arrived at the bridge to the sight of carnage. The mist was thick, and Tazuna's employees, though alive, lay bleeding on the ground.

Zabuza had made his move.

Sakura quickly activated the fog-lights, revealing a multitude of Zabuza and hunter nin clones on the bridge.

"Well then, Sharingan-Kakashi,", came Zabuza's voice from the mist, "Time for our rematch, I can't wait to take my sword back from your cold, dead hands."

"Hm? You say something Zabuza?" Kakashi said as he looked up from his genin, one of whom he had given a stern glare.

"This match won't be like our last: we haven't even started and it looks like your brat there is shivering in fearing."

"I'm not shivering with fear" Sasuke interupted as he pulled out a kunai, "I'm trembling with excitement."

He poured chakra into his limbs for a boost of speed, and cut down the clones, stopping only when blocked by the real hunter nin.

Suddenly, Sakura's alarm seal began warming up, prompting her to say. "Kakashi-sensei, Tsunami-san needs help"

"Sakura, you go back and help her, I'll handle Zabuza while the boys take on his partner. Hurry back in case we need your help." Kakashi ordered, reaching to his headband, "Tazuna, use a barrier tag while we fight."

"Hai" Sakura answered and dashed off, pulling out her radio receiver and confirming that Tsunami was still at or near her home.

Passing the eviscerated remains of a boar didn't help dispel the dread that had been growing in her stomach.

* * *

><p>She arrived several minutes later to an odd sight: Two samurai stood just outside the door of Tsunami's house, poking at a barrier that blocked the door. She quickly activated a low yield explosive tag, and threw it to the ground just behind the attackers, trusting her barrier to protect whoever was inside it. The samurai didn't even notice they were under attack until they were engulfed in flames, neither even noticed Sakura before she used their pain and distraction to knock them out.<p>

After quickly binding and gagging the apparent attackers, Sakura approached the barrier, seeing Tsunami had apparently activated her barrier tag so as to include the doorway inside her small protective bubble, effectively blocking the door.

"You know, Tsunami-san, you'd have made a good ninja with instincts like that. Are you and Inari alright? Did you see more than these two?"

"We're fine, Inari's upstairs. When those two showed up I was so worried, but I'm glad to know your tags work like you showed us."

"Good to know, now I just need to make sure you'll be safe so I can head back to the bridge and help Sensei and my teammates fight Zabuza." Sakura said as she walked over to her captives.

"Zabuza? You mean the ninja who tried to kill you a week ago? He's at the bridge?" Tsunami paled, "Is my father alright?"

"He was fine when I left." Then, addressing her captive with an innocent grin, "Alright, so I need to know what your odrers were, if Gato sent any other goons to the house, and any plans he has for the bridge today, but you won't tell me just like that, so that means I finally get to practice my enhanced interrogation techniques." Sakura said, snapping her fingers and producing several kunai, a case of salt, a gallon bottle of water, a book of poetry, and a bear trap. "Kakashi-sensei could probably keep you alive and conscious for hours slowly increasing the pain until you'd gladly spill everything just for a chance to die, but I'm just a genin, so I might make some mistakes, especially since I'm in a rush here, it's my first time, so please treat me gently." She paused , waiting for a response, "Oh, right, you won't be able to talk with those gags in your mouths, now who wants to go first?" the ninja asked as she un-gagged her prisoners.

"WE'LL TALK, WE'LL TALK!" both samurai shouted at the crazy girl who had set them on fire and looked to be seriously considering reading them poetry by Paul Neil Milne Johnstone.

"Fine," Sakura sighed, "I guess I'll practice my interrogation skills later."

"We were just supposed to grad the bitch and her kid, so Gato could make an example of them later, all the ninja were supposed to be at the bridge, so he just sent us, please don't hurt us" pleaded the joker with tattoos under his eyes.

"Yeah, we were supposed to take them to base then join the rest of the guys at the bridge to help finish off you ninja when the fighting was done." agreed his cycloptean partner.

"Gato had a back-up plan for it we beat Zabuza?"

"No, we were supposed to finish off all the ninja regardless of how the fight went." supplied Eye-patch, while his partner tried to face-palm at the volunteering of the information.

"Well then, it seems like I'm in more of a rush than I thought. I'll be leaving you here in Tsunami's tender care, but these stay with me." Sakura said, picking up their discarded weapons. "You can handle them for now, right Tsunami-san?" she addressed the woman.

"Yes." Tsunami squeaked out, trying not to upset the little girl who played with swords larger than her and spoke of torture the way other girls spoke of tea-parties, who promptly vanished into the trees.

* * *

><p>Sakura returned to the bridge as quickly as she could, and took stock of the situation. Tazuna was unharmed, standing in one of her protective bubbles. Naruto and Sasuke were standing in a large dome made of mirrors, and Kakashi and Zabuza were engagin each other in a taijutsu brawl. The mist seemed to have dispersed to normal levels, apparently Zabuza had decided not to waste chakra on a jutsu mostly nullified by her fog-light tags.<p>

Suddenly, however, Sasuke seemed to fall, and something changed.

**HateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHate****HateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHate****HateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHate****HateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHate****HateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHateHate**

She fell to her knees as the miasma of hatred boiling over from the monster that wore Naruto's shape. It hated her, hated the dome, hated the bridge, the missing nin, Tazuna, Kakashi-sensei, her lights, the mist. It hated everything.

She could _**feel **_that deep malice for all that the beast saw; not rejection born from fear or ignorance, but the unshakable hatred that came from truly **understanding** something and finding the mere fact of its existence an intolerable insult, empowered by a strength that transcended mere mortals. How could she stand against such potent hatred?

She couldn't breathe. Every muscle in her body seized up in protest, her mind shut down in face of the malevolence before her, and her chakra _shifted._

Suddenly, Sakura's muscles relaxed, she looked down at her hands.

"Huh. This is...unexpected."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This was a short chapter, but the conclusion will be posted tomorrow. I couldn't resist a cliffhanger, but I'm not sadistic enough to make you wait a week to find out what just happened. That said, feel free to leave a review or a guess of how the bridge is going to resolve.<strong>


	11. Chapter 11: Razzle-dazzle 'em

**Disclaimer: Still lacking a satisfactory joke for stating my lack of ownership of the Naruto franchise.**

**Sticks and Stones Chapter 11: Razzle-dazzle 'em**

* * *

><p><em>And now, the thrilling conclusion:<em>

"Well wouldn't all my fatguy and elegant gentlemen friends be so envious of me right now?" _Sakura_ said to herself, "I've somehow become the little girl"

*Crash*

"Oh, right, battle, should probably do something about that. Let's see, I could interfere in the fight between Zabuza and Kakashi, and prevent Haku and Zabuza from dying, except I don't particularly want either of them to live. Naruto will calm down on his own soon, Sasuke is either dead or in a proto-comatose state from those ice needles, so I can't help him at all either way, Kakashi looks to be trouncing Zabuza now that the mist isn't a problem and Zabuza is using normal weapons instead of _my_ cleaver, I guess that just leaves Gato and his army of thugs to deal with." _Sakura_ pondered aloud, "And I should probably do something about my appearance. Disguise Jutsu!"

Nothing happened.

"The hell? I've seen Sakura do this a million times, I know how the chakra should flow, why isn't it working?"

_Sakura_ closed her eyes and focused for a bit. "Shit, I don't have chakra. My spiritual energy is there, but since Sakura's not here right now, Mrs. Torrance, her physical energy isn't meshing with it, meaning I have as much chakra as Lee."

Pouting, _Sakura _started jogging to the edge of the bridge, heading towards the unfinished end that she knew Gato would use to unload his thugs from a boat, taking care to circumvent the jonin, genin, and cross-dressing psuedo-nin on her way. "If I can't use external jutsu or physical enhancement, I guess I'll have to play it by ear."

Suddenly the malevolent chakra died out, just as a barge came into view from the end of the bridge from the mundane, non-empowered mist.

* * *

><p>Sakura blinked<p>

She remembered something; something red, something scary. Then, suddenly, she was at the other end of the bridge staring at a barge full of mercenaries. How had she gotten over here?

_'That's not important right now, you have to prevent Gato and his thugs from getting off that boat. Your teammates and teacher are tired and wounded, enough so that a lucky hit from one of these bandits could bring them down. You're the only one in top shape right now.'_

She had to take on all these mercenaries? Even if she was a ninja, there was still a very real chance she'd get hurt, then killed.

_'Or worse.'_

'Thanks, Ishi, for this impossible task'

_'Would I ever give you any other kind?'_

Thinking quickly, Sakura transformed into an older kunoichi with purple hair she had seen once or twice in the village. As the jutsu formed, she fealt a pang of...jealousy? Ishi had never been jealous of her jutsu before, so why now?

_'Focus, it's show time.'_

Clearing her throat, Sakura strode up to the gangplank that had been set up and took stock of the situation.

_'The dwarf in the front, the one in the suit and shades, is Gato.'_

'He came personally to a ninja battle? How the hell did this moron take over a country?'

_'A Thern gave him access to the ninth ray.'_

_'_I don't even...'

* * *

><p>Gato was excited, today his plans would come to fruition. He would kill that meddlesome bridge-builder and his little ninja too. He'd be able to cash in on the generous bounty his missing-nin employee had on his head, and then no one would be able to stop his takeover of Wave country.<p>

As he prepared to walk off the bangplank of his ship, a woman appeared from the mist, pushing the sailor who had secured the barge to the bridge into the water below.

Everyone stared at her as she took a position at the end of the gangplank and pulled out a blade of some kind.

"Who the hell to you think you are?" Gato shouted at the mysterious woman, "Get out of my way or you won't like what happens next."

The woman laughed. LAUGHED. How dare she? Gato made a note to break the woman until she begged to be his slave as soon as he was done here. Then, the woman threw her knife.

In a gentle arc directly over the barge.

Everyone's gaze followed the blade and tag fluttering behind it. This turned out to be a mistake.

*BOOM*_  
><em>

One hundred and fifty mercenaries, 20 sailors, and 1 Napoleonic business man began swearing profusely as they began to rub the stars from their eyes.

_"_I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF, YOU BITCH!" shouted the bonapartist.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaah, no. You may want to look around your boat." the bitch called back.

As he turned around and looked, he noticed more knives, buried into the deck at various places. **Lots** of knives. 'Where the hell did they all come from?' Gato thought, 'You can't walk 5 feet without tripping over a knife.' Each knife had a paper tag either tied to the ring on its hilt or wrapped around the handle.

His reverie was interrupted when the woman shouted, "ATTENTION ASSORTED MERCENARIES, BANDITS, AND THUGS, WE'RE GOING TO PLAY A GAME OF TOLL BOOTH. AS OF NOW, I OWN YOUR LIVES, IF YOU WIN THE GAME, SOME OF YOU MIGHT GET THEM BACK.

RULE 1: SHOULD **ANYONE** TRY TO CROSS THE GANGPLANK WITHOUT A TOLL, YOU **ALL** DIE IN FIRE.

RULE 2: SHOULD **ANYONE** ATTEMPT TO CUT THE BOAT FROM ITS MOORING AND SAIL AWAY, YOU **ALL** DIE IN FIRE.

RULE 3: SHOULD **ANYONE **JUMP OVERBOARD, YOU **ALL **DIE IN FIRE, BEFORE I TRACK DOWN THE JUMPER AND FLAY THE SKIN FROM HIS BONES.

RULE 4: SHOULD **ANYONE** ATTACK ME IN ANY MANNER, YOU **ALL** DIE IN FIRE.

ANY QUESTIONS?"

"YEAH, I GOT ONE, WHY THE HELL SHOULD BE PLAY YOUR GAME YOU GODDAMN BITCH?" screamed a merc from the crowd.

The woman promptly conjured a knife from thin air, threw it at the merc, stabbing him in the shoulder

"FUCK! YOU SHITTY EXCUSE FOR A-" ***BOOM***

A fireball engulfed the offender and the 6 or so men who were standing to close to him.

"THAT'S WHY, YOU BASTARD OF A SYPHILITIC OYSTER AND AN OVERGROWN PUSTLE FROM A WILDABEAST'S ASS." screamed the monster on the gangplank at the shredded remnants of the offender.

Everyone on the boat gulped.

"WHAT'S THE TOLL?" called out a wavering voice from just outside the blast radius.

"Glad you asked. TODAY, I'M FEELING A LITTLE _VISCERAL_, SO THE TOLL IS SUCH: ANYONE WHO BRINGS ME ONE OF THE APPENDAGES OF GATO'S BODY WILL BE ALLOWED TO LEAVE IN PEACE, PROVIDED THEY GO HOME AND RETHINK THEIR LIFE. ONCE ALL 5 MAJOR APPENDAGES ARE IN MY POSSESSION, YOU ALL GET CLEANSED IN HOLY FIRE. IF YOU TRY TO SWIM FOR SAFETY, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT EXPLOSIVES STILL KILL PEOPLE IN WATER, THEY JUST SHRED YOUR LUNGS SO YOU DROWN IN YOUR OWN BLOOD INSTEAD OF BURNING ALIVE." smirking, the woman lowered her voice and addressed Gato directly: "As for who I am, as far as you're concerned, you little leech, I'm the heavenly goddess Amaterasu.

"You really think you can get my men to turn on me that easily?" Gato asked, "I own this-gurk" a scythe cut off his rant, as a mercenary decided to take initiative in protecting himself from the crazy ninja who though nothing of setting almost 200 men on fire. Taking the head he had severed, he walked from the speechless crowd to the gangplank, holding up Gato's head by his hair, and said, "Here's my toll, can I leave now?"

The monster _smiled_ at him, "Yup, just leave your weapons here with me, and you're free to go, congrats on being the first one to pass through the toll-booth."

Quickly dropping his scythe and gato's head at her feet, the man walked calmly past the woman, making sure not to turn his back to her, then slowly backed away down the bridge. When he reached a distance of 20 feet from the beastly bitch, he turned and ran, squealing like a stuck pig.

The escape of one of their own seemed to shake the shock from the remainder of Gato's army. Those closest to Gato's corpse began hacking off his arms and legs. As soon as the limbs were free of the torso, the bandits immediately fell to violence, cutting down anyone who tried to leave with a piece of Gato. Only four more people could escape, and each bandit would be damned if they weren't one of those four. Besides, getting cut open had to be a better death than explosives.

In less than 10 minutes, the boat had been painted red, corpses piled up proving the severity of the brawl. The 3 thugs who were still alive were all injured, and would probably bleed out in the next minute or so.

Not one man had tried to swim for safety or attack Sakura in those 10 minutes.

* * *

><p><em>"I'm so proud of you Sakura, that was quite a show. You managed to scare over a hundred adult men into pissing themselves with fear and killing each other, using primarily your words."<em>

'I think I'm gonna puke.'

_"Don't worry, you will, so get it out of the way now, then go see how everyone else is doing."_

Sakura promptly fell to her knees and began heaving, her disguise dispelling as she did so, no longer able to keep her composure now that the threat of death or worse by bandit army wasn't forcing her to maintain a Flay-you-fillet-you-and-eat-your-soul demonic bitch persona. She had just managed to pull herself to her feet when her sensei, Naruto, and Sasuke walked out of the (mundane) mist to investigate the smell of blood.

* * *

><p>Kakashi was having a superlative day, everything was either great or Oh-dear-god-whyyyyyyyyyyyyy for him at this time. Case in point, Zabuza had attacked in a straightforward manner, and without his sword and the unexpected neutralization of his Hiding in the Mist jutsu had made the fight largely trivial for him. The fight was slow, with more clone diversions and tactics, but Kakashi was trying to get a flawless victory.<p>

However, the client's family had apparently been targeted while they were at the bridge, forcing him to do something that he hated to do: split the party.

Then, the Kyuubi's seal had slipped, not enough to release it, but enough to have Naruto radiate malice and corruption like there was no tomorrow.

So, when he resolved to finish his opponent quickly so he could assess Naruto's condition, he quickly stepped up his game, overpowering Zabuza with taijutsu, before slitting his throat, only to turn around and see that not only had Naruto calmed down, but he had also managed to dispatch Zabuza's hunter nin ally. He'd probably have to talk to Naruto about his first kill, but the battle was over. Sasuke was lying on the ground, filled with enough ice to match his personality, but he was breathing,and therefore alive, despite his apparent attempt to break Rule 1.

That just left Sakura, he thought he had felt her chakra moving further down the bridge during his fight, so he supposed he should get the boys and track down his absent student. Who knows what trouble she could get into on her own?

* * *

><p>"Sakura?"<p>

"They were going to kill us, then move on to the village" a pale Sakura murmured.

"What happened to them?"

"I talked to them, Kakashi-sensei, and they killed each other." She started to stumble away from the end of the bridge. "I think I need to lie down now, Kakashi-sensei."

Naruto and Sasuke walked past Sakura to see what she and Kakashi were talking about. Upon catching the sight of the gore, Naruto started to heave, while Sasuke started twitching. He hadn't seen anything since _that night_.

"Minions, head back to Tazuna's house, try to get some rest. We've had a big day, but we're all alive. I'll clean up, and we'll talk about this later."

"Hn"

"OK"

Sasuke and Naruto walked after Sakura, both in a daze from the remnants of Gato's men. Going and taking a bath seemed like a great idea, maybe they'd be able to sleep afterwards.


	12. Chapter 12: Rule 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto Franchise, or any other franchise referenced in this work.**

**Sticks and Stones Chapter 12: Rule 2**

* * *

><p>Needles.<p>

Needles Everywhere.

Sasuke was nervous. He couldn't track his enemy, or see the attacks in time to dodge completely. He'd mostly only been grazed so far, but his left arm was starting to go numb from the needles that had landed solidly and stuck into his flesh. A quick glance confirmed that Naruto was also bearing a few new piercings.

Any attempt to escape was met with a hail of needles. Dropping their guard was met with needles. Trying to actually pinpoint their enemy was met with needles.

Sasuke was fairly certain he'd have nightmares of needles after this fight.

He strained his eyes, desperately trying to find something he could use or discern some pattern in the strikes.

Then something clicked, and he could **see**.

* * *

><p>'I don't care if they'd make cool traps or attack seals, I don't have the funds to stock senbon or shuriken seals in any appreciable number, and I definitely can't stockpile seals'<p>

_"If you can't buy a few hundred sendon for these traps, then make them. I doubt that Haku carried around more than a few dozen at any given time."_

'Yes, but I don't have a fancy bloodline that lets me make ice constructs.'

_"So? Use fuuinjutsu."_

'I have no idea how to make a seal to craft and then shoot ice needles.'

_"You're over thinking it. Break it down, nothing is particularly difficult if you break it down into small jobs. What are the steps for an ice senbon trap seal?"_

'Well, you'd need to have a concussive force seal to launch the senbon once you have them, and a storage seal to release them and the force in the right direction.'

_"Good, what else?"_

'Since I'm not going to just draft the freezer to make my own ice senbon, I'd need some seal to turn water into ice, and then some seal to shape ice into an appropriate shape.'

_"Very good, now how will you get the water for your ice?"_

'If we're making the seals ahead of time, I can just get a few gallons from the river at our training grounds."

_"Don't be lazy, whenever possible make your seals robust, self sufficient, and passively automatic."_

'Well I can't just conjurge water from thin air.'

_"..."_

'Except I totally can. I can set up a seal to draw in water from the surrounding air. It'll take a while, but I can always stick the seal in a river or body of water to speed it up. The seal work would be trivial to make a self filling water storage seal that draws water from the surrounding area. Making it empty in the next seal in the set wouldn't be particularly difficult.'

_"And the next seal in the set would be?"_

'A week ago, I would have said some elemental seal to make ice, but after pulling apart the seals for Zabuza's Sword, I'd just pirate the space defining seal that establishes the default parameters of the sword, then use an 8 trigrams seal to define an area in which to dump water. In cylindrical coordinates, I can just set a constant radius for the shaft and a linear decrease at the ends for the points.'

_"And the reason for this is?"_

'Because it's easier to mold water then freeze it, than it is to freeze water then shape ice.'

_"And the spacial template can function as a mold in this instance. then you can just make a seal to freeze the water, and deposit it into the actual launcher"_

'So I, what?, use a wind seal to add wind chakra to the water until it freezes?'

_"Nope"_

'Really?'

_"Not even at all."_

'But isn't ice a mix of water and wind?'

_"Sakura, what element is associated with heat?"_

'Fire, obviously.'

_"And what element is associated with cold?"_

'Wind, which is why I'd add wind to freeze the water.'

_"Wrong."_

'Then tell me, oh wise and venerable headache, what element is associated with cold?'

_"None of them."_

'You're being a cryptic asshole on purposed.'

_"Cold doesn't exist, hot and cold water isn't hot and cold, it's just hot and less hot. You can't associate an element with something that doesn't have some objective existence."_

'What does that even mean, objective existence?'

_*sigh* "Hot things are hot because they have energy that makes them move, or vibrate, at an atomic level. You can add heat by adding energy that makes the movement faster, but you can't add 'coldness' to slow them down, you have to draw out the heat."_

'So I take the water and subtract Fire?'

_"Yup"_

'I don't think it'll work, but we can try it.'

_"It shouldn't be too hard to get a heat pump working."_

'Then we just have the launcher and the trigger. A manual remote trigger should work and I can use my chakra detector tags to trigger them, even if it would make them easy to spoof, The accuracy will be good to maybe 10 meters in optimal conditions, so I'll have to set the triggers appropriately.'

_"10 meters? Oh Saukra, oh poor adorable little Sakura: let me introduce you to something called 'rifling'."_

* * *

><p>The Sharingan upgrade hadn't helped much. Sure, he could map the paths of the senbon in flight and identify any paths of escape, but he couldn't create paths where none existed, and reading muscle movements to predict movements didn't help at all when his opponent didn't stay in sight for any length of time.<p>

He was officially scared, not quite at the level that Zabuza or Ita-_That Man _had inspired, but scared nonetheless.

He could keep up his dodging like this for a while yet, (his stamina had grown considerably in the last month) but his opponent gave no openings to counterattack, no respite to regroup and plan with Naruto, and no sign of any strain at the pace that had been maintained for this fight. Attrition wouldn't work, they had no real defense against the swarms of needles that peppered them from every angle, and they couldn't attack an enemy they couldn't nail down.

His grand fireball technique hadn't even caused a pause in the attacks. This was insane, this enemy shouldn't have been more then a minor problem.

He dove at his teammate to intercept an attack Naruto had shown no sign of noticing, one that would have ended Naruto's resistance without doubt.

They collided with a shout from both boys, half surprise and half pain as the impact jarred the needles sticking from their extremities, but Sasuke's momentum was enough to push both boys out of the path of the potentially crippling attack.

_"Good"_ came Sakura's voice from the trees around them, "_You **can **learn. I guess that means I can step it up now."_

Sasuke and Naruto groaned as they got up from the ground.

*_hisssssssssssssss*_

Sasuke made mistake of looking at the tag on the ground in front of him

***BANG***

He reeled backwards, rubbing his eyes in the wake of a flashbang.

"Fucking Fuuinjutsu users," He mumbled.

* * *

><p>'I'm telling you, I can't just make open-ended chakra storage seals to go with the drain tags. Matter storage seals take so little chakra to expand as opposed to establish that the space available is arbitrarily large, but chakra storage seals are the opposite, increasing the size takes the same amount of chakra as filling it. It'd easier to make a seal that just dumps chakra into the air then one that stores an arbitrary amount of chakra for later use."<p>

_"And what do you need to expand your chakra storage seal once it's full?"_

'Chakra, lots of chakra, not something I have in abundance."

_'Gee, Sakura, if only you had a ready source of chakra to draw on when you have a **full chakra storage seal** to make the seal larger so you could get some use out of that chakra later instead of just dumping it into the air and still be able to drain more chakra from your opponents.'_

'Oh, right.'

_'Yes, set a seal on it that draws out chakra when the seal diverts excess chakra into an expansion meta-seal for the storage seal. Bam, effectively unending chakra holding tank, even if it does somewhat decrease the returns of chakra you steal, but you'll have to make a filter seal to remove the emotional overtones from the chakra before you put it in the tank anyway, then apply another filter using your chakra as a template to attune the chakra in the tank to you. You'll get maybe 20% returns on the chakra when you're done with it for later use, but that's still more than nothing.'_

'So I can make a chakra draining tag that expands as it drains chakra. If I get the tags after I use them, I could drain them into a personal seal for later use. It would be more optimal to just drain into a personal tank than have to expand extraneous tags and my personal seal, but then I'd need to attach the drainage seal to a weapon or something not easily lost, and set it up to dump chakra in real time, I'll make that my long term project, but for now I'll deal with spending chakra to expand a two seals. At least I only have to filter the chakra once, it'll lower the returns to 10%, but as you've established, that's still more than nothing.'

* * *

><p>Naruto was scared.<p>

It was a new experience for him.

He'd been worried, like when that bastard Mizuki hurt Iruka-sensei or when he thought Sasuke was dead. He'd been nervous, like when Iruka-sensei caught him playing a prank and was going to start yelling at him. However, he'd never been scared, not like this; he'd never faced this kind of primal, visceral fear of a known foe.

Naruto resolved to pay more attention to Sakura-chan in the future. She'd always been amazing, but now she was downright terrifying.

And needles hurt.

If he made clones, the clouds of pointy, painful objects would pop them like soap bubbles. Trying to find cover was punished with explosives. If he tried to run, he'd end up running into some of the near invisible wires Sakura had strung through the trees and open himself up for a painful electric shock. Substitution would get him out of a tight spot now and then, but it was a delaying tactic at best. Henge was useless here, and he didn't have any other jutsu. He really needed to bug Kakashi for more techniques or make his own somehow, like Sakura had.

Wait.

He did have another technique, it was a long shot, but it wasn't like this could get much worse. He was getting tired faster than normal, so he needed something decisive to end this.

"NINJA CENTERFOLD!"

And suddenly, there was a nude, bombshell blonde in Naruto's place.

Up in the trees, a certain kunoichi thought, 'Damn, she's hotter than anyone I've ever met.' _"Yes, yes 'she' is."_ 'Shut up, Ishi'

The attacks finally paused, for the first time in hours.

Only to begin again almost immediately. However, Sakura had apparently decided to break out the explosives, including several new tags that seemed to shoot steam.

"DAMMIT NARUTO!" Sasuke shouted as he frantically ran in a (futile) attempt to avoid becoming Uchiha Flambé.

The fight didn't last much longer after that.

* * *

><p>"Now what have we learned?" Sakura cheerfully asked as she bent down over the two exhausted boys. Each was covered with innumerable grazes, stuck with several ice senbon which melted slowly enough to allow for coagulation, covered with small burns from steam and explosives, twitching from residual taser shocks, and drenched in sweat from 3 and a half hours of almost dodging many painful attacks from their irate female teammate.<p>

"Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiin," moaned Naruto as he flopped on the ground.

Far away in the land of rain, a man and six corpses sneezed.

"You...*_wheeze_*...cheated." Sasuke gasped, "Never...won...otherwise."

"Bitch, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease," Sakura waved offhandedly, "Of course I cheated: we're ninja. Expecting honor is silly, and expecting a fair fight is stupid. Apparently you didn't get that memo in the academy, so I guess we have a new rule for Team 7."

"What?" both boys asked.

"Rule 2 of Team 7:" Sakura stated, "Cheat, whenever possible."

Both of her victi-Teammates!, teammates looked up at her and blankly nodded, hoping to prevent a repeat of the morning's 'lesson'." Sakura said, glaring at Sasuke.

"I don't care if a crazy missing nin with a near extinctbloodline attacks you and you die protecting a teammate. If _That Man_ shows up and demands your head, Sasuke, you say 'Not today.' If a war party from Stone ambushes you and tries to kill you, you say, 'Not today.' If the damn Shinigami shows up and tells you that today is the day you die, WHAT DO YOU SAY?"

"NOT TODAY!" Sasuke and Naruto shouted back at Sakura.

"DAMN STRAIGHT! You boys are not allowed to die, your lives are not just yours. If you face an impossible foe that will kill you in the blink of an eye, you will cheat and cheat hard until you either win or escape. If you die, so help me, I will bring you back and extract a toll on your souls if I have to ressurect the fucking SHINJU to do it! ARE. WE. CLEAR?"

"YES, SAKURA!" both boys chorused.

"And if you ever think there's a fight that you can't win or escape, and there's no choice but to meet your death, I want you to remember today: the day that I, the weakest member of the team, made both of you my bitches without taking a single scratch."

* * *

><p>'WHY THE HELL WON'T THIS WORK?!'<p>

_"Sakura, you're trying to shift chakra structure outside of a living being. It obviously won't be that easy. The superclass for dealing with units of chakra doesn't allow any mechanism to directly affect the metaphysical composition of the chakra, and you don't know enough about chakra theory to design the filter from scratch. As much as it sucks that you can't just write 'import ChakraFilter;' I don't think you'll be cracking this problem anytime soon."_

'But if I can't get the chakra I drain to match my own, then this whole design is pointless.'

_"I wouldn't say that. Even if you can't draw on the chakra for use in internal chakra expression or jutsu, you can still always use it to charge other seals for you. Besides, you can still just store** your** chakra for later use, as it already matches you, it would be simple to simply reabsorb it for use it later."_

_'_Ok, fine, I'll shelve the chakra repository seal for now, pending further research, and we'll work on your ideas instead, still a shame that it didn't pan out.'

_"Such is life."_

* * *

><p><em>How the 'lesson' began<em>

"Alright, now that the mission is done and we're back in Konoha, it's time for something different while we wait for Kakashi-sensei."

"Sure, Sakura-chan! What did you have in mind?"

"Well, Naruto, now that it won't endager a mission, it's time to address Sasuke's flagrant disregard for Rule 1 back in wave."

"Hn?"

"It doesn't matter if you did it to save a teammate, _or_ if you got better afterwards, you died. Now get ready for your punishment." Sakura said calmly as she smiled pleasantly, before using a substitution to vanish into the trees.

"Hn." Sasuke snorted dismissively, "**SHIT!**" His derision was silenced by a puncture wound on his left arm. Activating his sharingan, he dashed into the foliage, trying to track down his troublesome teammate.

"pffffffffft" Naruto started laughing "AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sucks to be you, bastard!" he called after the victim of Sakura's wrath.

"FUCK!" A puncture wound to the arm killed his humor. "WHAT THE HELL, SAKURA? Isn't this Sasuke's punishment?"

"_My seals punish all without distinction!"_ came Sakura's reply from the forest.

Naruto, wisely, started running after his teammates.

* * *

><p>'There has got to be a better way to make seals than this'<p>

_"I agree, now that you won't be limited as much by chakra, we should look into finding write faster."_

_'_Maybe a seal to write seals?'

"_Or a seal to copy your writing onto other pieces of paper"_

'Start with an ink storage seal and use a sympathetic algorithm to add ink to a paper based on changes to a "master" paper with a corresponding seal?'

_"Sounds good, you'd still need to draw your seals, but you could make tons of copies of uncharged seals, especially if you make the sympathetic copy seals and master seal reusable and refillable."_

'Well lets get to it'

* * *

><p>"Sakura?"<p>

"Yes Kakashi-sensei?"

"What happened to your teammates?"

"They fell down some stairs."

"Stairs with needles, low-yield fire tags, and your taser tags?"

"They. fell. down. some. stairs."

"I assume the stairs took exception to violations of Rule 1?"

"I can neither confirm nor deny that statement."

"Well, it looks like we won't be getting much training in today."

"That's fine, Kakashi-sensei, we really should talk about the Wave mission, and some issues that should probably be resolved."

"Oh? What do you mean Sakura?"

"Well, I'm fairly certain all 3 of us have something that we could benefit from sharing with the class."

"Really, then why don't you go first?"

"I guess I might as well, it'll give the boys some time to recover from...falling down the stairs."

*gasp*"Fuck" *twitch*"You"

"Oh Sasuke, you say the sweetest things."

"So, Sakura," Kakashi interrupted, "What do you think you should share with us?"

"It all started on the bridge," Sakura sighed, "When Naruto started bleeding that red chakra, I blacked out."

"Understandable, genin shouldn't really be exposed to that at close range."

"But when I woke up, I was at the other end of the bridge, and since then I think I've been sleepwalking."

All three other members of Team 7 stared at Sakura for a moment, unsure of what to make of that.

_"Dammit Sakura."_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yes, I totally named my profile on this site just for the line in Rule 2.<strong>


	13. Chapter 13: Heart to Heart

**Disclaimer: Did Orochimaru somehow manage to march TWO armies right up to konoha's walls without anyone noticing? If so, I don't own Naruto. If not, I still don't own Naruto**

**Sticks and Stones Chapter 13: Heart to Heart**

"On the day after the fight of the bridge, I checked my tag inventory. I threw out a lot of kunai and explosive tags, but didn't need to detonate them, and I wasn't in the mood to go and pick the all up after...that." Sakura stated, "But the next day my inventory was full, minus the two tags I actually detonated that day. When I checked my inventory ledger, it had the addition of the tags to my stores, and an additional entry called 'Miscellanious', which turned out to be a huge pile of assorted weapons that I assume came from the mercenaries. Weapons that I didn't go a pick up or put in storage."

"If it helps make this weirder," Kakashi interrupted, " The first thing I did the next morning was take the boat out into open water and capsize it with water jutsu, and most of the (intact) bodies sank, so they had something on them that weighed them down."

"So the only time your supplies and those weapons could have been taken was in the middle of that night," concluded Sasuke.

* * *

><p><em>In wave the aforementioned night<em>

'Sakura' lay in bed, staring at her hands.

"So apparently this is going to be a thing," 'she' said aloud, "When Sakura has a BSOD or goes to sleep, I get to come out and play."

*beat*

"FUCK!, I'm like that insane ass-butt Shukaku, aren't I?" Ishi groaned. "Well, might as well do something useful. I don't have chakra, but I can still use the Inventory, and it would be downright _irresponsible_ to leave a ton of explosives sitting on a random boat out by the bridge. Someone could be hurt, it's my _civic duty_ to go out their and get those awesome-I mean dangerous-explosives and loot those bodies."

The walk took half an hour, and the looting took several more, longer than it should have, but even if Ishi had dealt with dead bodies before, the humidity and sheer number of corpses had given rise to a stench that could _almost_ wake the dead, judging by the aforementioned corpses still being corpses.

"And I don't even have any peppermint oil in my collar to help mitigate the smell" Ishi mumble to himself as he went through a headless halberdman's pockets for loose change.

After fulfilling his protagonistic instinct to take everything even remotely valuable, a mania made possible by extra-dimensional storage space, (s)he went to shore and started washing off most of the blood, then started picking up rocks and pebbles, which Ishi deposited in the pockets of any cadaver with pockets.

Then Ishi headed below deck and took anything valuable there as well. Namely: the petty cash for the boat crew, a few books, some barrels of booze, salted meat, and the kind of things you'd expect lonely men on a boat to have to 'pass the time'. Everything Ishi didn't want Sakura to stumble on went into pocket 0, followed by a few dozen pebbles, then the updated inventory ledger. Hopefully, the LIFO inventory system would prevent Sakura from stumbling upon Ishi's stash and 'mad money' on accident.

* * *

><p><em>In Konoha, several weeks in the future.<em>

"And the only way for those weapons to get in my inventory is if I put them there," Sakura continued, "But that's not the only thing. After the first night back in Konoha after the mission, this genin I'd never met before came up to me and asked if I was awake. Since then he's asked 3 times, and once he asked me to a restaurant."

"You've be sleep-sleeping around?" Sasuke asked incredulously.

"WHAT?" Naruto shouted.

"Well maybe if you were man enough to satisfy me, I wouldn't have to go looking elsewhere." Sakura countered, turning her head and raising her chin imperiously.

"Describe this genin, Sakura" Kakashi ordered with a sigh.

"Well, he's tall, has gray/silver hair like you, and he wears glasses. I think his name is Kabuto" Sakura answered.

"Yakushi Kabuto?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes, that's his name, Yakushi Kabuto," Sakura snapped. "That would'a bothered me all day, thanks Kakashi-sensei."

"Why would you sleep walk to a genin medic?"

"That's just it, I don't know, I've just been randomly sleepwalking and I don't know why or what I've been doing."

"Or whom." Sasuke interjected.

"Dammit Sasuke," Kakashi sighed, "Just...okay?"

* * *

><p><em>Team 7's first night in Konoha.<em>

"Kabuto Yakushi," came a girl's voice from a dark alley, prompting the named 'genin' to turn, "You know, you really are one of the most interesting people in this whole village."

"I'm sorry, miss, your attention is flattering, but I'm very busy and not looking for a romantic relationship right now." Kabuto answered with a small and friendly smile.

"You've failed the chuunin exams, what, 5 times now? are a spectacular medic for a genin, manage to gather all sorts of information you shouldn't be able to find, and no-one notices that there's something off about you, that you're better than you should be, or know things you shouldn't."

Kabuto's smile hardened on his face, betraying his focus on the girl in front of him.

"Of course," Ishi continued, " I suppose that would be all your training from Root. Say what you will about the old warhawk, the ninja who manage to get through his training without becoming completely mentally shattered or physically crippled do tend to be incredibly talented ninja."

Kabuto's smile died.

"Really though, what has got to be the most interesting thing is that you're a double agent so many times over that I doubt even you know where your loyalties actually lie. It's, what, Root to Konoha to Root to Orochimaru to Sasori to Orochimaru? That's the problem with turning shinobi into tools, there's not much to stop someone else from stealing them. So tell me Kabuto, are you loyal to the monkey, the hawk, the scorpion, or the snake?"

Kabuto blurred into action, pushing Ishi further into the alley, pinning 'her' to a wall by the neck, holding a dangerous glowing hand to 'her' heart. "How the hell do you know."

"Path to Victory."

The unexpected response stalled the medic quadruple agent for a moment.

"What."

"I know lots of things Kabuto, I know lots of names, too. Names like Nonou. Would you like to know a secret?"

A very pale Kabuto answered, "Yes," managing to mask his shock from his voice, if not his face.

Ishi looked left, then right, then leaned in very close to Kabuto and whispered, "Everyone, in the world, has tinnitus."

"Tinni-, talk straight, or I swear I will carve out you heart and make you eat it before I let you die." Kabuto _snarled_ out at the girl who casually dropped the name of the closest thing he had had to a mother.

"Chakra." Ishi answered with a smile, "It's a manifestation of your mind and soul, and reflects who you truly are, but everyone is so drowned in it from birth, that you can't hear what it's telling you. I can _feel_ your pain Kabuto. As much as you try to deny it, you're still the scared and lonely little kid with blurry vision, desperately trying to fill that void. Trying to hide the guilt and pain of killing Nonou, hoping that one of your masters will push you into something so deviant and despicable it'll drown out that regret with an evil that's less personal and intimate, or that you'll die and it'll all just be over. You can't trust anyone, because people like Danzo will just use that to hurt them with your trust."

Kabuto dropped the hand that had been aimed at Ishi's heart, grabbing Ishi's left shoulder instead.

"But I'll tell you a another secret Kabuto." Ishi continued, "A secret from someone who knows everything about that death and the events that led up to it: It wasn't your fault."

Kabuto punched Ishi.

"You're not a god, you can't know everything Kabuto, and nothing you could have done to have changed the outcome of that day other than simply dying yourself, and your death would have hurt her far more than hers did you."

Kabuto kept punching Ishi.

"You know it was-"*thud*"-a setup-"*thud*"-she didn't know it was you-"*thud*"She would have done **anything** for you."*thud*"She only took another contract at all because it was Danzo's price for letting you leave Root."

"SHUT UP!" Kabuto punctuated with another punch to Ishi's face. "I KNOW! I know Danzo set her and me up, I know everything, and that's why I can't just be a shinobi for Danzo or the village that made him."

"Of course you know," Ishi said, "Orochimaru told you, but you don't **understand**. Nonou did everything for you, for you and the other kids in the orphanage. Danzo and Orochimaru took that care and compassion, used it to twist both of you into weapons, and dragged you into a game that neither of you could win, then tried to get rid of you as soon as you got too dangerous. But as long as you play their game of espionage and betrayal, you're just going to set yourself up to perpetuate those losses; you can't win that game with men like Danzo, men like Orochimaru. You'll either die in a ditch somewhere and make her death meaningless, or you'll become Danzo to some other kid, and spit on everything she did for you."

"So, what? I should just forget what he did? Pretend it never happened and be a good little Konoha shinobi? Ignore the hypocrisy and let him get away with it?"

"No." Ishi frowned, "God no. HELL no! But don't play his game. Be Kabuto first; try to be the boy that Nonou killed and died to protect, because she'd rather you be happy than he be punished."

Kabuto let go of Ishi and wiped his eyes, (it had started raining on him and him alone during their conversation) "So what now?" he asked.

Ishi grinned and answered: "Karaoke."

Kabuto started chuckling, then full out laughing as Ishi joined in.

* * *

><p>"And my sleepwalking all started the night of the bridge. So either the mental trauma of talking 200 men to death is doing more than giving me nightmares and an appreciation for soy meat, of that red chakra did something. So, Naruto, now that I've bared my new trauma and insecurity with the class, is there something you'd like to share?" Sakura asked.<p>

"Um. I'm not sure it's allowed Sakura-chan. I'd like to, but it involves village secrets." Naruto shyly said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Actually, Naruto-chan, " Kakashi interrupted, "It's your secret, and you can tell whoever you want, they just can't tell anyone once they know."

"Oh," Naruto answered, "Good."

"So?" Sakura excitedly asked, "Is it a new bloodline? An old bloodline? Some fuuinjutsu accident? Another kinjutsu you've somehow pulled out of your ass? Are you pregnant with Sasuke-kun's love child? Did you get a magic box from a dragon? Swim up a waterfall?"

"Sakura-chan, let him talk, and really? magic box?" Kakashi interrupted.

"Love child?" Sasuke asked with a shiver.

"LOVE CHILD?" Naruto shouted.

"What?" Sakura asked, "I can't have fantasies?"

"You can," Kakashi said, "But telling them to the people said fantasies involve is considered tacky unless you are in a serious relationship with them already."

"KYUUBI!" Naruto shouted out, desperately trying to block out the fact that his beloved Sakura-chan not only was fixated on Sasuke, but apparently shipped him and Sasuke as well.

"What?" Sakura and Sasuke asked in confusion.

"On my birthday, October 10th, the Fourth used a seal to stop the Kyuubi by sealing it in me, because he couldn't kill it, and the seal needed an infant as young as possible to hold the Kyuubi."Naruto managed to force out, as he looked at an incredibly interesting pebble.

"Wait," Sakura started, "You the Kyuubi jinchuriki?"

All three boys on her team looked at her oddly. Naruto had expected screaming and revulsion, Kakashi hadn't expected any of his students to know the term 'jinchuriki', and Sasuke was surprised that Sakura seemed to believe their idiot teammate's claims to holding a demon at bay since the day of his birth."

"So are you really an Uzumaki? Or did they just give you that family name to honor Mito-sama?" continued Sakura.

"What? Who?" Kakashi asked.

"Mito Senju nee Uzumaki? The First Hokage's wife? I heard a story somewhere that she sealed the Kyuubi into herself when the First and Uchiha Madara fought at the Valley of the End. So she would have been the first jinchuriki in Konoha, unless we have another biju in a closet on a shelf somewhere. If I had some nameless orphan jinchuriki on my hands, I'd give him Mito's original family name, because you sort of are her legacy. But they might have picked you because you were related to her, in addition to being the grand old age of one minute. Uzumaki are supposed to have really dense chakra and really strong constitutions, so they would have made good jinchuriki." Sakura continued, "But Mito-sama died way before we were born, so the Kyuubi would have had to either disappear or be sealed in someone else. Unless it died with her and just reformed in Konoha years later, which would explain the sudden nature of the attack. It would have to either have been reformed in the village or been released by whoever it had been sealed in before you."

"Um, I don't know" Naruto said, processing the distinct lack of vile gazes his teammates were giving them, "If my parents were Uzumaki, I mean. Jiji never told me if he knew who they were."

"Double Wait," Sakura said, "You're the KYUUBI JINCHURIKI?"

"Yes, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said, "We've covered this, and if you keep shouting out S-class village secrets like that, you'll be getting a lovely free vacation in a tiny room under ANBU headquarters with no windows."

"**CanISeeYourSeal**?" Sakura started begging breathlessly, as she grabbed Naruto by the shoulders and started shaking him for all he was worth.

Sasuke looked at his teammates. One of who was clearly demonic, and one of whom was, apparently, host to a demon. There was really only one thing he could say.

"Fucking Fuuinjutsu Users."

* * *

><p><em>AT a Karaoke Bar, in a private soundproofed room, several days before.<em>

"So," Kabuto said, "I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"Hm?" Ishi asked "What other shoe?"

"Well, you've tried to befriend me, dragged up old trauma, and tried to distance me from other people that I've worked for," Kabuto stated "And you clearly know that I know something, so I'm waiting for whatever attempt you make to cement my loyalty or trick information out of me."

"What information? The chuunin exam invasion? Sand's part in it? Gaara's part in it? The plans for Sasuke? Kimimaro's illness? Juugo's illness? Edo Tensei? The Uchiha massacre?" Ishi asked blandly, "I know just about everything in the broad strokes, and I don't really want a minion so much as a friend. If I wanted a minions, I could get Sarutobi Konohamaru, Hyuuga Hinata, Rock Lee, Inuzuka Kiba, or a half-dozen other equally talented or politically potent individuals wrapped around my finger with some minor affection. Ninja villages really don't seem to understand that giving power to a bunch of deeply mentally unstable people, or traumatizing children in the name of power, is a recipe for disaster. Tools are easily stolen; loyalty cannot be coerced, only earned."

"Do you practice the dark arts?" Kabuto whimpered in shock, staring at the person who had casually spouted multiple major secrets including the planned invasion of her home. "How can you be so blasé, knowing what you somehow know, about the chuunin exam invasion?"

"Simple," Ishi answered, "Konoha will win: Sand is desparate and their military force has been majorly downsized, they're effectively crippled, with Gaara and the Kazekage the only ninja from Sand capable of fighting on the level that turns the tides of battles, but Orochimaru will kill the Kazekage before the invasion, to limit the variables he has to deal with. Gaara, on the other hand, is psychotic, but Naruto has a stronger Biju and a stronger will, and as such will have no problems curb-stomping that annoying raccoon. Hell, with the Kyuubi's empathy sense, Naruto might actually beat the insanity out of Gaara. Meanwhile, you know as well as I do that most of Sound's military force consists of cannon fodder, the kind of one-trick nin that Konoha's clans shred like rice paper. That really only leaves Orochimaru himself, and while, with the Edo-Tensei, he might be able to match either Sarutobi or his old teammate, Jiraiya, he certainly can't match both. Both are better than him, and both have the kind of fuuinjutsu knowledge necessary to negate the Edo-tensei.

Ishi took a sip of water befor continuing.

"The whole invasion is really just a glorified tantruum: a way for Orochimaru to spite his teacher in response to being denied the Hokage's Hat all those years ago. Sure, people will die, but the village will be fine a month later and look all the better for having repelled an invasion with minimal losses. Orochimaru has somehow managed to make a major military action uphold the status quo"

"So you don't want information, and you don't want a minion. Do you really not want anything from me?" Kabuto asked.

"No, I want nothing." Ishi said with a grin, "Actually, I lied, there is one thing I want."

Kabuto motioned for Ishi to continue, relieved that the conversation was finally heading where he had expected it to.

"I want-" Ishi said, "For you to sing 'The Show Must Go On', by Queen, as your next song."

Kabuto face-palmed.

* * *

><p><em>MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE HALL OF JUSTI- HOKAGE'S TOWER, back at the hokage's tower.<em>

Sarutobi Hiruzen was troubled.

There had been documents intercepted and encrypted messages decoded that revealed two unfortunate pieces of news.

Firstly, from what he could gather, the new hidden village, Sound, was planning some. major military operation on Konoha, at the behest of his errant student.

Secondly, said errant student had, apparently, improved on the terrible brand he had given poor Anko-chan, and was planning to place it on the young Uchiha heir, who hadn't suffered enough already.

He was lucky to have as much information as he did, only some rather unlucky mistakes on the part of several moles had given him as much as he had. Preparations for the upcoming months would need to be subtle. The potential attack was more pressing, and any fortification would need to be kept top secret lest they give the game away. The targeting of young Sasuke-kun seemed to more incidental, something done from convenience: He would be in Konoha when Orochimaru was there _anyway_, so Orochimaru may as well leash his target while in the neighborhood.

The most obvious way to protect Sasuke-kun would be to simply get him away from Konoha for a while. Simply sending the boy away would be far to blatant, but a long duration, low risk mission would be fine. He could surely get Iruka-kun to find something suitable. Normally, a genin team would have time to recuperate after a disastrous mission like the guard detail in Wave, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

In the meantime he would need to send for his other student. He'd been meaning to get his new books autographed anyway.


	14. Chapter 14:Keep Out of Trouble

**If I were a decrepitly old Japanese man with a position of political and social power, I'd rrefer to everyone younger than me as -kun or -chan. If I were older than 90, I'd refer to everyone as -chan. Also, I'd own Naruto, and have a jetpack, and be a Prince of Amber, but unfortunately I live in the real world, where dinosaurs don't exist and we are bound by the laws of physics. Darn.**

* * *

><p><strong>Sticks and Stones Chapter 14: Keep out of trouble<strong>

_In the Hokage's Office:_

"What do you mean, you can't find one?" Hiruzen demanded.

"Well, Hokage-sama." Iruka answered meekly, "We have plenty of missions out of Konoha, with duration's of several weeks or months, or low risk, but no mission requests that are low risk, long term, _and _outside of Konoha. Unless you count a few seduction missions, but I sincerely doubt that Kakashi would take another one, after what happened last time. And even if he would, a seduction mission isn't an appropriate mission for a genin team."

The Hokage began quickly leafing through the pile of mission requests on his desk. "We get enough mission requests each day to build an origami duplicate of the tower, and not **one** of them is appropriate for getting a genin team out of the village for a few weeks? What about this one?" He grabbed a folder. "Exploring and mapping a ruined stronghold leftover from the Warring Clans era?"

"The traps in that citadel already put a team of seasoned chuunin in the hospital." Iruka answered flatly.

"Oh..., right" The aged administrator answered, embarrassed, "How is Fujiwara-kun doing, anyway?"

"He was actually released this morning." Iruka responded.

"Good, good" continued the Hokage, "What about this one? Clearing out some bandits, encamped near...the border with Grass country." He grabbed another file. "Stealing a scroll? From the Daimyo of Earth Country. Pass." The Hokage quickly shuffled through several more folders, grabbing various potential missions, then discarding them after a short glance.

"I'm telling you, Hokage-sama, we don't have a mission appropriate for genin that will keep them out of the village for more than a day or two, barring a sudden escape by Tora from the Daimyo's wife's vacation Caravan in Moon country." Iruka said with a shrug, "Maybe something will come up in the next week or so."

"I can't rely on that. If we don't have mission, then we'll just have to make one." The Hokage opened a drawer and pulled out his file on Team 7. "Maybe a training trip. The Uchiha Clan did have a stronghold somewhere in the southern part of the country. It would make a suitable place for Sasuke-kun to take his team for some private training and bonding after their last mission."

Iruka nodded, "Though it would be odd for the Hokage or for their sensei to request a training mission to one of Sasuke-kun's private family properties."

Hiruzen Sarutobi sighed. Explaining the reason for the trip would be problematic at best. Ideally, the genin didn't need to know that _another_ S-rank mission nin had developed a yen for Sasuke-kun. Some days he wished he'd been the one to seal the Kyuubi instead of Minato-kun. Then this headache would be _his_ to deal with.

Wait.

Seals.

Didn't the mission have a note about Sakura-chan developing some custom barrier, trap, tracking, and sensor seals? Maybe an OPFOR was in order. He was sure the R&D department had some toys to test in the field; Sakura-chan and her teammates would be perfect for testing some of her new seals as potential border protection. He could even send them to the most peaceful border Fire country had, the border with River country. The genin would spend a month or so training, placing traps, and practicing border protection and infiltration. If Kakashi-kun thought any of the seals had merit, the village could offer Sakura-chan a royalty to allow mass production, or buy the completed seals from her if she didn't want to publish the arrays.

The Hokage smiled, as he turned towards his assistant. "I think I have the perfect idea."

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, at Training ground 7<em>

_"_How did you do it, anyway?" Sasuke asked, having caught his breath.

"Do what?" Sakura answered.

"How did you plant so many traps in the 30 seconds it took me to chase you out of the clearing? I get that all the traps and stuff were just fuuinjutsu seals, even if I don't get how you made them, but there's no way you could have planted them all so quickly after starting our 'punishment'."

"You're right." Sakura answered with a grin. "There's no way I could have planted all the traps on the spot."

"So how did you do it? A special area trap seal? Did you get Kakashi-sensei to help?"

"Nope." Sakura popped.

"Sakura-chaaaaaaaan" Naruto whined, "Are you going to tell us, or just tease us forever."

"I'm thinking."

_"See? Isn't it fun to screw with lesser minds?"_

_"_Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Naruto begged, while Sasuke tilted his head and pouted a little more than usual.

_'_I never should have doubted you, Ishi,' Sakura thought, before responding:"Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, I came last night to trapped part of the training grounds. Then I just made you chase me into the traps, and herded with a few extra seals and attacks to keep you stumbling out of them."

"Because you knew we'd be here in the morning." Sasuke said, understanding.

"You'd be great at pranks, Sakura-chan." Naruto agreed.

"Yup, I picked the battlefield, and prepared appropriately, because even though you're both better than me in taijutus and ninjutstu, and have more chakra than me, I could easily compensate by thinking ahead."

"So... now what? Kakashi gave us the day off."

"Lunch as a team?" Sakura suggested.

"Hn", "Sure, Sakura-chan!" responded the boys.

"There's this new barbecue place near my house I've been meaning to go to."

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, with Kakashi at the Hokage's tower<em>

_"_Hatake Kakashi reporting in for Team 7, Hokage-sama" stated the habitually tardy jonin.

"Oh, Kakashi-kun, perfect, I have a mission for you and your team. Where are Sakura-chan, Sasuke-kun, and Naruto-kun?" ask the aged Hokage.

"Heh heh..." Kakashi answered, rubbing the back of his head, "About that... Team 7 won't be taking any missions today. The minions are taking a day off for bonding and morale purposes."

"Sakura-chan expressed her displeasure with Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun almost breaking Rule #1, I take it?" Sarutobi asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes"

"Well, I still have an important mission for you."

"I'm not doing another seduction mission." Kakashi stated flatly.

"Of course not. This is a research and training mission for your team. You leave in a week."

"Research and Training?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, I'm intrigued by the possibilities of some of Sakura-chan's seal-work. So in a week, your team will leave for the River country border, where you will spend a month practicing border protection and infiltration, testing seals, and training your genin. When you return, I expect a full report on their progress and the effectiveness and feasibility of any of your students creations. Furthermore, to ensure the impartiality of your report, I'll be sending another jonin with you. Do you have an questions?"

"Ano, Hokage-sama." Kakashi started, "I had intended to nominate my cute little genin for the chuunin exam."

"I had guessed." said the Hokage

"Ah" answered Kakashi, understanding the implication that the mission was intended to keep the team out of town for the exams. "Are there any 'additional' objectives for the mission?"

"Teach them well"

"Understood, Hokage-sama."

"Bring your team in tomorrow and we'll discuss your additional teammate and requisition allowance."

* * *

><p><em>The next day<em>

"Requisition allowance?" Sakura asked with disbelief.

"Yes, you'll be given access to an account of 50,000 Ryo, the account information is here," said the Hokage, handing a slip of paper to the pinkette, "Now listen, Sakura-chan, this money is for sealing supplies and development purposes only. Don't make me regret trusting you with it," a serious expression conveying the severity of the money.

"Excuse me, Hokage-sama," Sasuke interjected, "Why exactly are we going to be testing the seals? Wouldn't this normally be in the purview of the R&D department?"

"Normally it would be. However, since the seals you are testing are the personal creations of Sakura-chan here, handing them off to R&D would violate her rights as the creator. But, between Naruto's proclivity for clones, and your Sharingan and talents as a shinobi, I have the utmost confidence in your ability to test your teammates creations. Furthermore, this is a good chance for you three to work on developing your stealth and infiltration skills."

_"This is a novel moment, I don't think I've ever had intellectual property law work in my favor before."_

"Requisition allowance?" Sakura mumbled.

"Hey jiji, why do you need to send another ninja with us? We can totally handle this mission by ourselves!" Naruto demanded.

"Don't think of it as needing help for the mission, Naruto-kun, think of it as getting an extra teacher to help you learn what I hope you will from this mission."

"If you say so, jiji," Naruto grumbled, "So who's our 'extra teacher'?"

"Yes, I'd like to know who will be 'helping' me teach my genin too, Hokage-sama." Kakashi asked, shooting his boss a dirty look.

"Why of course, Kakashi-kun," the Hokage answered with a wide grin, "He should be here now," before pushing a button on his desk.

A door opened, admitting a familiar jonin specialist wearing sunglasses and a black bandana.

"WHAT? Our extra teacher is the closet pervert? Why are you punishing me? I've been good, no pranks in weeks" Naruto groused.

"Naruto, I know you and Ebisu-kun don't have a stellar history, but he **is** an excellent teacher, and working professionally with other ninja of the village regardless of personal feelings is something you must be able to do as a ninja of this village, Naruto-kun, especially if you want to be Hokage someday."

"I understand, jiji," Naruto answered abashedly, "Sorry, Ebisu-san."

"Just don't let it happen again, Uzumaki-san." Ebisu said, with a small smile. "I look forward to this mission with Team 7, my name is Ebisu, jonin specialist, tutor to Sarutobi Konohamaru, as well as several other ninja in the Kohona shinobi corps."

"Uchiha Sasuke, genin member of Team 7" Sasuke grunted, seeing that his sensei and Naruto apparently knew their new team member.

"Requisition Allowance?" Sakura mumbled.

Everyone stared at the young kunoichi, the members of team 7 subtly stepped away from Sakura in unison.

_"Some Nitric acid, maybe some acetylene, a source of phosphorous, a source of fluorine, we'll need tons of oil, a plastic cow, some copper wire, large copper plates, some de-ionized water, some bleach, and some ethanol. We are going to have so much fun now that we have a budget."_

"heh... heh..." Sakura started chuckling," hehehehehehahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Ebisu emulated the members of Team 7 and casually stepped away from the clearly crazy kunoichi.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ah, establishing a new arc. Team 7 won't be in the chuunin exams, but I plan to write omake's about what would happen if they were (cause fanfic means I can have my cake and eat it too.) If you can guess what's going to happen, feel free to PM me or leave a review. <strong>

**Furthermore, anyone who guesses what the purpose of any of the more esoteric items on Ishi's shopping list (read: other than acetylene, oil, and plastic cows) will get a shout-out in the next chapter. **

**See you next week, on the continuation of PIGS... IN... SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE**


	15. Chapter 15: Walk on Water, Swim on Land

**Disclaimer: Did Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura ever demonstrate the ability to use techniques other than the one or two they learned from their respective mentors and variants therein? If not, I don't own the Naruto franchise. If so, I still don't own the naruto franchise, but I apparently missed something.**

**Sticks and Stones Chapter 15: Walk on Water, Swim through Land.**

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><p>"So you never did answer my question, Naruto." Sakura said as she finished the last diacritic modifier on the seal she had been working on. "Either of them, actually."<p>

Team 7 had adjourned from the Hokage's office, followed Sakura to a company that supplied construction crews in Konoha, helped her make various eldritch and arcane purchases, then followed her home for a team dinner. Afterwards, Sakura had begun explaining some of her ideas to the team, who had promptly joined in to brainstorm improvements or alternatives that would work more effectively or teammates individual styles better.

"What questions did you mean, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked.

"First, are you an actual Uzumaki? Or did you get given the name as an honorary title because of the kyuubi?"

Naruto frowned.

"I don't actually know, Sakura-chan. I never knew anything about my family, so they could be anything from random civilians to a daimyo and his secret lover. I can ask jiji, if it's a big deal."

"No need," Kakashi interjected. "Naruto is an actual Uzumaki."

_"In blood, at least, and he has the Uzumaki family heirloom."_

_'_Heirloom?'

_"It's big, orange, fuzzy, and has a temper, exactly what you'd expect of an Uzumaki family anything."_

'That "heirloom" wrecked half the village the last time anyone saw it.'

_"Exactly what you'd expect of an Uzumaki family anything."_

'Yeah, pretty much' Sakura thought with an internal sigh as she mentally went over her internal profile of Naruto.

_"_So I guess the jinchuuriki is always an Uzumaki." Sakura mused, "And can I see the seal?"

"I guess, "Naruto said sheepishly, before removing his jumpsuit's coat and the shirt he wore underneath it.

Sakura and Sasuke stared at Naruto expectantly, not seeing a seal on their teammate's bare chest. Naruto formed a tiger seal and began channeling chakra, causing a black spiral to fade into existence on his stomach.

Sakura leaned in close, ignoring the blush Naruto was developing. The seal was elegant and complicated. It had been compiled and interpreting it now with releasing the seal would either require the documentation of it's creator, previous knowledge of the seal, or directly interacting with the seal's chakra. It would take Sakura months of work refining a seal until compiling would leave this kind of simplistically hypnotic design. This was function blended with style and the perfect amount of showmanship to cross the line from 'tool' into 'art'.

The Fourth Hokage had made this seal in a few hours? It was practically drool-worthy.

_"Literally drool-worthy, apparently, now shut your mouth, Sakura, and to be fair, you can be sure that the Fourth Hokage cheated when he made this thing. **Holy crap**, I think it uses two separate syntaxes and blends the meta-seals at the interface of the various parts. Christ, that must have been fiddly. The Hell? Is that COBOL?"_

Sakura, like all almost-well-adjusted people, ignored the voice in her head. She didn't have the Fourth Hokage's notes, and she'd never seen or made a seal like this one, so that left only one option for learning more about it.

"Can I-" Sakura asked shyly, "-touch you? For Science?" as she wiped some saliva from the side of her mouth.

Naruto and Sasuke both turned a red bright enough to match Sasuke's favorite tomatoes.

"Yeeeeeeaaaah no." Kakashi interrupted, much to the relief of the male members of Team 7. "Sakura, no messing with seals that protect the village from imminent and immediate destruction until you're at least a specialist." He grabbed his excited female student before she could molest Naruto. "Especially not without a clear need and some basic idea of what you're doing."

Sakura sighed, "Fine Kakashi-sensei, but do you at least know if I could get my hands on the template for the seal, or maybe some of the Fourth Hokage's notes? You were his student, right?"

"Maybe after this mission, Sakura-chan, but no promises." Kakashi said. "Classified intel and all that."

"I never get anything nice," grumbled the pinkette.

"Don't be like that, minion number 3, I have something that may cheer you up." The enigmatic jonin said with a smile. "If we're going to be testing your seals and practicing border infiltration and defense, you'll need to learn some utility jutsu, starting tomorrow."

"YES!" shouted Naruto and Sakura, expressing their excitement with fist pumps, while Sasuke contented himself with a smile.

"Yup, new jutsu. You've all done so well as a team-"

"YEAH, we're the best genin team EVER!" Naruto interrupted.

Sasuke snorted.

"*cough*stairs*cough*" coughed Sakura, causing both male genin to twitch.

"-that it's time to step up your training." continued Kakashi, ignoring the interplay of his genin. "Expect a heavy chakra workout tomorrow; when you inevitably tire yourselves out, we can work on alpha testing Sakura's new seals."

* * *

><p><em>Later that night, in a private room at a karaoke bar.<em>

"So, Kabuto, did you intentionally leak info about the Orochimaru's plans, or are Sound's infiltrators as bad as Kohona's internal security?" Ishi, wearing Sakura's sleeping body, asked the !genin in question, causing Kabuto to spit water and begin coughing and sputtering to remove fluid from his lungs.

"How did you even-" Kabuto began as he began breathing following Ishi's attempt to choke him with words.

"Silly Kabuto-chan" Ishi interrupted, "I know everything, you should know this by now."

"Don't call me chan, I'm older than you." Kabuto scowled.

"Older than this body maybe, but for all you know I could be an psuedo-immortal, reincarnating, time-looping, psychic gestalt that takes breaks from being the God-Emperor of mankind by possessing little girls and teasing double-reverse-flip-quadruple agents.

"Are you?" Kabuto asked expectantly, desperate for more information on his new...friend? blackmailer? karaoke partner?

"No" Ishi stated flatly.

"So how did you know?" Kabuto asked.

"Well the Hokage is suspicious, and I know Orochimaru's infiltrators can normally run circles around Konoha's security, with you being the ur-example. Danzo sucks at internal security just as badly. So if the administration is suspicious, then it's probably because someone let them be suspicious."

"Huh." Kabuto answered, "Well yes, I may or may not have placed some document drops less than perfectly. Let me say, it is a nightmare leaving information available where ANBU will find it. I was considering leaving the next one on T&I's doorstep with a pretty bow on top. Konoha really can't do internal security for shit."

"Yeah, they don't really need it. Between the Kiri purges and civil war, Iwa's recovery from the last shinobi war, and Suna's economic troubles, the only major village that poses a threat is Kumo, and Kumo's infiltration is even worse than Konoha's security, or else they would have a Hyuuga or eight by now. Hell, the only solvent major villages with S-rank shinobi other than their respective Kage's are Konoha and Kumo." Ishi frowned, "Now that I think about it, it's rather troubling that there are more S-rank shinobi roaming as missing nin than there are associated with any 3 major villages."

Both ninja were silent for a moment as they considered the implications.

"We're fucked, aren't we." Kabuto said, more a statement than a question, "Even if the villages have a tenuous peace, with enough stability to prevent a full on war for the next few decades, there are too many monsters wandering around with the power to flatten most of a hidden village. As soon as two or three decide to just say 'Fuck it!' and cut loose that the continent will just go up in flames."

"Yup," Ishi answered, "Hell, if I hadn't dragged you hear for some booze and music, you'd probably have been one inside of 3 years."

"I glad you think so highly of my potential." Kabuto answered sarcastically, "But really, what the hell are we going to do? This invasion might be the spark the sets off armageddon."

"Nope," Ishi cut in, "Sound doesn't have the force to cut down Konoha, even with Sand's help, and the 3-way stand off between Kumo, Iwa, and Konoha will preserve peace enough to prevent World War 4 until Kiri and Suna recover."

"SO WHAT?" Kabuto demanded, "Even if Orochimaru isn't the monster who ends the world, it's just a matter of time until one of the S-ranked murder-hobos does. The hell are we going to do?"

"The same thing we do every night, Kabuto, sing until our ears bleed." Ishi answered with a grin.

"GRAAAAAAGH!" Kabuto managed to force out, his cynicism and Ishi's teasing de-elevating his normally pristine syntax to a strangled shout.

"Fine, Fine," Ishi said, holding his hands up defensively, "Ruin my fun. The simple answer is that time is on our side in this conflict: most of the people with the desire to prevent this are at genin level, _now. _The last shinobi war and the kyuubi attack stunted the development of the current adult generation, so most of the current S-rank ninja are either crazy -like Itachi, Kisame, Killer B, or Hidan- or past their prime, like Hiruzen, Oonoki, Jiraiya, or Tsunade. So the best bet to prevent a few maniacs from killing everyone _and their dog_ is in the newer generation. We need time for you, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and the other nascent legends to grow into your power. Hell, give it 4 years, and there'll be a half-dozen new S-rank shinobi who grew up with peace, untainted by the jingoism and paranoia caused by the wars. We just need to keep the world together for that long and we can start improving the status quo."

"So your plan is basically: Train like crazy and don't break anything." Kabuto said with a frown.

"I think I put it more eloquently, but yes, that's the gist of it."

"We're all going to die."

"But what a way to go." Ishi said with a smirk, before picking up a mic and starting to sing _Highway to Hell._

* * *

><p><em>The next morning at Training Ground 7<em>

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke were all excited to learn new jutsu, it was a monumental event and showed their teacher's opinion of their growth as ninjas. Kakashi had even shown up on time, cementing this as an important day for Team 7.

"What are you going to teach us, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto shouted, "Some awesome jutsu to make water dragons, like you did with Zabuza? How to make lightning strike twice? How to set stuff on fire with my mind? TellmeTellMeTELLME!"

"Calm down Naruto," Kakashi said, "Breathe."

All three genin stared and glared with a mixture of apprehension at the magic lesson that was sure to begin, and anger with the scarecrow's transparent delaying tactic.

"Ma, such scary faces." mused the jonin, "Well, a quick run through of my plans going forward. I have two jutsu that I expect all three of you to learn, and one specific jutsu that I think will suit you each individually. Your incentive to work hard is the jutsu themselves. Each of you will only work on one technique at a time, when you manage profficiency, you get the next one. The personal jutsu will be the last one you earn: if you do well, you could have them all down before we leave for the border, but slacking might prevent you from learning more than one jutsu before then end of this mission. Additionally, all five techniques that I will be passing out have low enough chakra requirements that any of the three of you could learn them. If you surprise me, I may let you share your specialty technique with your teammates. So if you slack, you get one technique, if you work hard, you get three, and if all three of you work hard and manage to teach each other successfully, you might get five new techniques."

Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto all nodded fervently, trying to express that they would master these techniques in record time.

"We'll go over the hand-seals for the first jutsu and then you can start practicing. When the academy gets out, Ebisu will be joining us to get a feel for your capabilities; feel free to direct your questions to him. Now who's ready?"

"WE ARE!" all three genin shot back.

"Good, this first technique is incredibly useful and dangerous if done incorrectly, so focus."

Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke all held their breath. Sasuke activated his Sharingan, hoping for a demonstration.

"The first jutsu is..."

Naruto made several clones, which Sakura supplied with snare drums from hammerspace to allow for a drumroll.

"The Hiding-Like-A-Mole Jutsu!"

_"YES! SCORE!"_

Naruto face-planted.

Sakura started tearing up.

Sasuke sighed, he'd been hoping that there sensei would teach him something useful instead of just clowning around.

All three of them knew the jutsu, and had seen Kakashi use it during their bell test, it was neither flashy nor destructive, and therefore not what the three preteens had been hoping for.

Seeing his minion's lackluster reactions and crossing his arms, Kakashi grumbled to himself: "No respect, I tells ya. My cute little genin wound me so."

The children ignored their 'teacher', each starting to pout in disappointment.

"PAY ATTENTION!" barked Kakashi, prompting and immediate response from the children, "This jutsu directly affects the earth around you as you use it, making a mistake can get you entombed in rock, but creative application and mastery has as many uses as you can come up with. These are the hand-seals."

All three genin carefully memorized the three hand-seals their teacher slowly worked through, before sinking into the ground. They stared blankly at the earth, wondering if they should start practicing.

Suddenly, hands erupted from the earth, grabbing all three of them by the ankle and dragging them into the earth, leaving them all buried up to the neck, side by side, as three copies of Kakashi rose from the ground.

"WHAT THE HELL, KAKASHI-SENSEI?" shouted Naruto, while Sasuke started having flashbacks to their first day as genin.

"Kakashi-sensei, you're so mean," Sakura pouted.

"Now, if you'll notice, I've left you all an empty pocket around your hands, so get to it." said the center Kakashi as each of the three clones sat down in front of one of the disembodied heads of his students before pulling out a familiar book.

Sasuke closed his eyes and focused for several seconds, having copied and memorized the jutsu as their teach performed it, before slowly, and shakily sinking from view for several seconds before rising to the surface. "Done, Kakashi-sensei, next jutsu please." Earning a scowl from Naruto and a smile from Sakura.

"Hmmmmmmmmm," Sasuke's clone of Kakashi said, "Nope"

"What?" Sasuke growled dangerously.

"I told you, you get the next technique when you manage this one proficiently. Being able to use the technique in a safe environment is just the beginning. Now get to work, I expect you to be intimately familiar with the limitations and aplications of the technique before you're done.

Sasuke took a breath, looking as though he would protest, until his Kakashi clone looked up from his book and raising his eyebrow, daring the dark-haired boy to continue.

"Fine" Sasuke managed to growl, before flipping through the hand-seals dryly several times before using the jutsu again and sinking into the ground.

The central Kakashi clone then noticed the looks his two other genin were giving him.

"What are you staring at?" He asked, "Get to work, before I go looking for some spiders to motivate you."

All the attitude drained from Sakura and Naruto's faces, giving way to panic as they began desperately trying to free themselves from the earth before Kakashi decided to get 'creative'.

In 30 seconds, Naruto sank from his neck to his eyes, prompting his Kakashi to pull out a stick and dig a small hole, exposing Naruto's submerged nose, before going back to his book.

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><p><strong>AN: Well, chapter 15, not a lot of plot, but we're getting there, next week will be Team 7 leaving Konoha and starting border patrol.<strong>

**On my profile, I've posted several ideas for stories, feel free to send questions or suggestions. I know Sticks and Stones isn't anywhere close to done, but when it approaches the end, I intend to post a poll for which story to write next.**

**Till next week.**


	16. Chapter 16: Training Montage

**Disclaimer: I fon't own the Naruto franchise, if I did, I wouldn't be writing on this site, I'd be making merch and movies and living off the royalties.**

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><p><strong>Sticks and Stones Chapter 16: Training Montage<strong>

Getting the hang of floating through dirt took Sakura all of 20 minutes. While Naruto managed the basics of the jutsu in about an hour, seeing Sakura and Sasuke manage easily and occaisionally provide tips.

The jutsu, it turned out, made a layer of earth, around the user, act like a colloid, allowing for them to manipulate small amounts of earth as though it were fluid. After realizing that, the three genin began a game of Marruko Poro, taking to the trees was equivalent to 'fish out of water'. Since navigation relied on pulsing chakra in a form of sonar (As Sakura and Sasuke did) or expanding their envelop as far as possible to increase tactile feedback of chakra (as Naruto did). All players were effectively blinded to a limited degree in the large clearing they were practicing their 'swimming' (Though calling it swimming would be innacurate, as the bubble of earth chakra created movement rather than any physical motion on the users part).

Sakura and Naruto would forever deny using the game as a an excuse to glomp Sasuke and Sakura while underground, respectively.

Eventually, however, the game devolved into tag, with the three genin leaping from the the earth to escape in the trees before diving back into the cold, forgiving ground.

Through the games, which they spent most of the day on, only taking a break for lunch with bentos Sakura conjured from thin air, they learned some interesting things about the jutsu. For example, it could be used to make dirt and dust run off their hands like water, when they tried washing up for lunch.

Additionally, trying the jutsu near a body water would suck liquid water into the envelope surrounding them, either forcing them out of the earth into open water, or drenching them in a pocket of mud.

More importantly, the chakra bubble that manipulated earth could be shaped or expanded to a limited degree, allowing for objects or enemies to be affected by the jutsu, which was how Kakashi had buried the three genin and how he had made small air pockets around their hands to allow them to practice the jutsu.

* * *

><p>"Well isn't this interesting?" Kakashi mused to himself.<p>

Sakura had taken a curved blade, and was swimming just below the surface of the earth while hold the blade above the ground, in a crude facsimile of a shark, and had begun circling Naruto, who had been enjoying the sleepiness that followed lunch, before jolting to awareness at the thought of a land-shark made of metal. When he realized that his beloved female teammate had pranked him, he pulled out a kunai, and sank into the earth, and began following his fellow 'shark'. The two approached Kakashi, who was about to join in on their fun, when he felt a small hand grip his ankle.

'That clever little bastard' Kakashi thought to himself as he allowed himself to be pulled into the earth up to his neck.

Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura all rose from the earth, grinning at their apparently incapacitated sensei.

"That's for the bell test" Sasuke said smugly.

Kakashi laughed for several seconds before calming down and eye-smiling at his students, "Oh Sasuke; poor, sweet, innocent little Sasuke-chan. You've opened a box that can't be closed: welcome to the world of jutsu-enhaced petty revenge pranks."

The color slowly drained from the three genin's faces as the ramifications of their actions slowly dawned on them.

"Basically," Kakashi said, "Run."

Sasuke quickly ran through the handseals to his new jutsu, before sinking into the earth.

Naruto did much the same, but he did a standing half-front-flip and dove into the earth head first.

Sakura ran up a nearby tree while running through handsigns, before jumping back off the trunk, doing a double backfull and swandiving into the earth.

Kakashi counted to five before sinking into the earth and giving chase.

The resulting game of tag last for several hours and ended with all three genin, bound, gagged, exhausted, and hanging upside down from tree-branches

* * *

><p><em>"See? Isn't this jutsu great?"<em>

_'_Again, Ishi, you were right, this was fun, and I can think of tons of ways to use this.'

_"So will you doubt me or your sensei again?"_

'Not until one of you does something seemingly nonsensical again.'

_"So basically until everyone's finished resting up from this break."_

'And Naruto, Sasuke and I untie ourselves.'

Suddenly a high pitched little voice shouted out, "BOSS! What happened to you?"

A short, brunette kid wearing goggles and a long scarf ran into the training grounds, followed by Ebisu.

The child began jumping up and down frantically under where Naruto was tied up and hanging, shouting out "Don't worry, Boss! I'll get you down!"

Ebisu approached Kakashi, who was sitting and reading his book before asking, "I thought you were training them in ninjutsu. Did they annoy you enough to get you to change the plan?"

"Well, Ebisu-san," Kakashi answered with a smiling eye, "They need to be able to use their jutsu under pressure in a wide variety of situations, they're lucky I didn't have time to find any hot coals."

Ebisu smiled nervously in response.

While this exchange was going on, the three genin slipped their bindings and removed their gags. Sakura gracefully landed on the ground while Naruto and Sasuke pulled themselves up to the branches they had been hanging from before walking down the trunk to join their third teammate on the ground.

"Hi, Konohamaru," Naruto said, "What's with the goggles?"

"Aren't they great?" the now named Konohamaru answered, "They're just like the goggles that you wore when you were in the academy."

"Hold up," Sakura interjected, "Naruto, since when have you had a minion? How did you get a minion? Sasuke-kun and I want minions, don't we Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn," Sasuke answered noncommittally.

_"If you want a minion, Sakura-"_

'I'm not seducing Hinata, Ishi, so stop suggesting it.'

"Oh right," Naruto said, "You haven't met yet, Sakura-chan, Sasuke, this is Konohamaru, he's the Old Man's grandson. Konohamaru, these are my teammates, Sakura-chan and Sasuke."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Kimimaru-chan." Sakura said, holding out her hand to Konohamaru.

"It's Konohamaru," Naruto corrected his teammate.

"Got it, sorry Kisuke-chan, it won't happen again." Sakura said.

"It's Konohamaru!" Konohamaru said through gritted teeth.

"Calm down Kenta-chan," Sasuke said, joining in on the teasing, "Sakura won't do it again. Sakura, stop teasing little Keitaro-chan."

"GRAH!" Konohamaru shouted inarticulately before charging at Sasuke, flailing angrily at him.

Sasuke dodged the young boys blows easily, swaying out of the way before any could land, and began considering how to respond even as Konohamaru attempted to rain punches on him.

"Don't hurt Kazuya-chan, Sasuke-kun," Sakura called out to him, "He's just a little kid."

"Fine, fine" Sasuke called back, nonchalantly sidestepping charging tackle.

He turned back to Konohamaru and began flipping through handseals. When Konohamaru charged him again, Sasuke sidestepped again, placing his left foot directly under the step of Konohamaru's right. Konohamaru was surprised to step on Sasuke's foot, and even more suprised when both Sasuke's and his leg sank into the earth, causing him to struggle for balance for several seconds while Sasuke moved his leg and withdrew it from the ground, leaving Konohamaru's right leg buried up to mid-shin, effectively trapping him.

Konohamaru tried to punch Sasuke again, only to realize that his leg was truly and thoroughly stuck in the ground.

"You know, Naruto" Sakura said, watching the spectacle, "You really need to train your minions better. He lost his cool really easily and just started charging in blindly."

"Well he **is** just an academy student," Naruto answered

Their conversation was interrupted by Konohamaru shouting out, "THAT'S IT, YOU ASKED FOR IT!" before making a single handseal and shouting out, "SEXY TECHNIQUE!"

Konohamaru was then replaced by an attractive woman.

An attractive **naked** woman.

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke all blushed.

"You taught him that, didn't you Naruto," Sakura asked distractedly.

"Yes, yes I did," Naruto answered carefully, cringing.

Sakura facepalmed, "Of course you did."

Realizing that his technique was neither freeing his leg nor defeating his opponent, Konohamaru ended the transformation.

"Well..." Sasuke said,"...this just got awkward," before walking back over to his two teammates.

"So... Fuuinjutsu?" Sakura asked.

"Fuuinjutsu." Naruto and Sasuke affirmed.

Ok, so for the the tags, they all come with various triggers. Here's what the simple time fuse looks like, you adjust the delay like this..." Sakura said, producing various tags and explaining and demonstrating their use to her teammates. If they would be testing them on their mission, all of them needed at least an empirical understanding of Sakura's basic creations.

Kakashi joined them and watched with interest, making suggestions and pointing out a few potential improvements in the tags while Ebisu freed Konohamaru, who joined them.

The day ended when Sakura began demonstrating her Chakra Draining tags and Chakra storage tags, using the other members of Team 7 and Ebisu as guinea pigs, leaving them all too tired to continue, and providing Sakura with enough chakra to mass produce the more successful tags, as well as increasing the size of Sakura's stored personal chakra pool. She couldn't use other people chakra for techniques and internal chakra usage, yet, but storing her chakra for later was a simple, if limiting, workaround.

* * *

><p><em>The next morning (Tuesday)<em>

"Goooooooooooooooooood Morning, my cute little genin. " Kakashi greeted his students, "Today we'll start with physical conditioning and Taijutsu katas, after lunch we'll work on internalizing the hand-seals of your new jutsu. If you manage to cut them down to one hand-seal, we'll move on to the next jutsu, when Ebisu gets here we'll go back to practical fuunijutsu, like yesterday.

The prospect of being drained of chakra _again_ drew a groan from Sasuke and Naruto.

"Let's do it!" Sakura cheered.

"Alright, we'll start with 5 laps of the training ground." Kakashi answered, immediately killing Sakura's good cheer.

* * *

><p><em>The next afternoon (Wednesday)<em>

"I did it, Kakashi-sensei" Sakura wheezed, "One hand-seal"

"Prove it" Kakashi answered.

Sakura formed a snake seal and slowly sank into the ground up to her neck, then started circling her teacher, forming a gruesome image of a disembodied and mobile head.

"How'd you do that, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked, while Sasuke turned expectantly.

"You need to feel the chakra flow and change when you do the jutsu, then make it do the same thing without the hand seals." Sakura's head answered, "So just do the jutsu slowly a few times, and then make the chakra flow habitual."

Nodding, Sasuke and Naruto got back to working, starting and stopping the jutsu to get a feel for the chakra flow.

"Well, Sakura-chan, I honestly didn't expect you to get it so soon. Good job." Kakashi said, "Take a break, work on your fuuinjutsu, and tomorrow we'll go over the next technique: The Body Flicker."

* * *

><p><em>Thursday morning<em>

Naruto was sleeping under a tree with one leg still buried when Sakura arrived at the training ground.

_"Probably didn't even go home either."_

'That's our Naruto, dedicated to a fault.' Sakura thought, 'How should we take advantage of this?'

_"Water balloons?"_

'Water balloons.'

Several seconds later a sputtering Naruto was rudely awoken.

"I'm assuming you didn't go home last night, Naruto, so dig up you leg." Sakura said as she snapped her fingers to summon a towel, "I have some ration bars you can have for breakfast, once you dry off."

"Morning Sakura-chan," Naruto grumbled with a yawn, before perking up, "OH! Sakura-chan! Watch this!" Naruto formed a snake seal, focused for a few seconds, before pulling his leg from the ground.

"Wow! Good job Naruto." Sakura said as she handed Naruto a towel and ration bar.

"Yeah, Sasuke got it a few hours after sunset sunset, and I got it a while later before falling asleep." Naruto answered with a smile.

Sasuke then walked up, bags visible under his eyes, eating a tomato.

"That's great," Sakura said, "That means we can all learn the Body Flicker together."

"Oh Really?" asked Kakashi, having appeared from nowhere, jolting his surprised genin. "Sasuke, Naruto, why don't you demonstrate."

Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other, grinned, and each formed a snake symbol before sinking into the ground, then rising back up.

"My cute little genin grow up so fast," Kakashi said, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye, before continuing:

"The second jutsu is the Body Flicker: a high speed movement technique that uses smoke, leaves, or something else to distract from your initial movements. It is NOT, as many civilians believe, a teleportation technique. To utilize it properly, you need an intimate understanding of your current location, your target, and their relative positions. This is an important D-rank jutsu, because internalizing the chakra spike used to boost your movement speed is the basis of using chakra to enhance your speed and strength, which is a technique all upper level ninja master. You pour chakra into your muscles, while envisioning the movement you need, then use a swirl of leaves or smoke as a slight distraction, before 'riding' your chakra to your destination. This technique is especially useful against low level ninja and mercenaries who don't use chakra. However, upper level ninja can follow your movements through your chakra, so keep your opponent in mind if you try to use this in battle. Sasuke, don't roll your eyes," Kakashi reprimanded the unimpressed avenger, "even if this jutsu isn't particularly useful in high level battles, the tangential benefits of mastering it are immense. And the sooner you master it, the sooner you'll master chakra enhancement. These are the handsigns."

The Body Flicker actually turned out to be simultaneously easier and more difficult for the genin to learn.

Hopping from one spot to another was easy to get down, but being able to jump to an arbitrary spot was more difficult, especially in any kind of decent time. Speed, obsviously, being the objective of the jutsu, so focusing for 10-15 seconds before using it would render the jutsu utterly useless in a practical setting.

But by the time Ebisu and Konohamaru showed up, Team 7 had enough practice with flickering that Konohamaru would be an utterly trivial opponent in any future games of tag.

* * *

><p><em>Team Dinner at Ichiruka's, the night before the R D mission.<em>

"Hey, Teuchi, get me a big bowl of miso ramen, we've got an awesome mission and we leave tomorrow, so I've got to stock up on ramen now." Naruto said as Team 7 entered the stand.

"I'll have a beef ramen," Sakura said.

"Shrimp" said Sasuke.

"Beef as well," Kakashi said, as all four ninja sat down.

"Another mission out of town already? You just got back from your last one." said the man behind the counter as he filled a bowl and passed it to he best customer, before doing the same for the other members of Team 7.

"We're the best team ever, Teuchi, of course we get tons of missions." said Naruto, following it with, "Itadakismasu"

"I'm sure you are." said Teuchi before addressing Kakashi "So may I ask how long you'll be keeping my best customer out of town, Hatake-san?"

"While I can't tell you what our mission is or where we're going, I can say we should be gone for about a month." Kakashi said, as he somehow managed to eat without taking of his mask.

"A month, eh?" Teuchi said, "I guess you won't be participating in the-" Kakashi began frantically signalling to try to get the ramen vendor to stop talking-"chuunin exams"

Sasuke's chopsticks snapped.

"Chuunin exams?" Naruto asked, "Kakashi-sensei, what's a chuunin exam?"

"The chuunin exams are a set of test held every 6 months." The teacher said with a sigh, "Genin take the test to see if they have the skill, strength, experience, and intelligence to be chuunin. If you do well enough in the exam, you get promoted. They're being hosted by Konoha this time, so genin from all over the elemental nations will be coming, competing, and dying-literally- to try to get a promotion."

"So why aren't we in them?" Sasuke demanded, "Do you think we're not ready?"

"You're not competing in them," Kakashi said, fixing Sasuke with a glare, "because we have a mission from the Hokage that has been deemed more important to the village than a rookie team competing in the chuunin exam."

"Can't someone else do the mission?" Sasuke asked, "I'm good enough to beat any genin in those exams."

"Yeah, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto agreed, "we're the best team ever, why can't we show everyone? If I kick ass in the chuunin exam, I'll be one step closer to being Hokage."

"Tired of you old sensei already? Are you trying to get promoted so you can leave me all alone?" Kakashi said before placating his upset genin, "It's not a criticism of your skills, all three of you are skilled enough to not be at risk of dying in the exams, and your mentality has been improving, so you might even pull a promotion out of it, but you've only been genin for a few months, and we do have a mission that prevents us from being here for the exam. In the long run, you'll get less out of the exam then you would would get from more field experience."

Sasuke looked like he was going to keep arguing before Sakura cut in, "Sasuke-kun, it's fine, it's not like the title of chuunin makes you any stronger by itself, at least this way we'll be getting some experience and training over the next month on our important mission."

"I will say that turning down a mission the Hokage personally requested us for in hopes of earning a promotion isn't exactly the best way of demonstrating the maturity we expect of chuunin." agreed the cycloptian jonin.

"I'm plenty mature." Sasuke argued.

Sakura and Naruto snorted, drawing a raised eyebrow from Sasuke.

"Oh, you're serious." Sakura said, before laughing some more and continuing, "Sasuke-kun, we're 12 years old, and chuunin are expected to lead missions. Getting more training before curb-stomping some genin in a test isn't a bad thing."

Sasuke and Naruto both accepted that and returned to eating.

As he finished his bowl, Sasuke grumble just loud enough for his teach and teammates to hear, "This training better be worth it."

"Sasuke-chan, have I given you reason to doubt me?" Kakashi said, holding a hand over his heart, as though he'd been wounded by his student's words.

"Yes" said Sasuke flatly.

"Yup" agreed Naruto

"Absolutely, Kakashi-sensei" Sakura finished.

"My minions, you wound me so." Kakashi said, a fake tear appearing in his eye.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Week, Team 7 goes on a road trip, expect travel songs and hitch-hikers.<strong>

**AN: This story has been recieved far more positively than I thought it would, and I'd like to thank you all for your support and review: I treasure each and every one of them.**

**That said, in the interest of continuing entertaining you with stories, I'd love some PM's with comments on the story ideas listed on my profile.**

**Additionally, I have an internet cookie for anyone who manages to predict how this arc is going to end.**

**Tune in next week for the next update.**


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